Nothing But Love :: golf blogger

U.L. Approved

Stacey picked out the Christmas tree. I drove onto the lot and back to where the trees were standing. She saw two of them that fit the bill. I did not pick out the tree. I got out of the car and shook the snow off of both of the trees, and she picked out the tree. The tree looks great. The two guys at the tree lot tied it onto the top of the white VW Beetle. I figured I could drive the 1/4 mile home without incident rather than pay the $25 ransom on top of what the tree cost to deliver it from captivity.

I put the tree up with the help of the boy. Now, I know some of you will criticize the manner and method employed by yours truly in lighting the tree, but you must understand that there is no other way. We strung the lights onto the tree and plugged them in. Half of one string of lights didn't work. And those colored mini-lights are made to do stuff like that -- and after years of experience, I know that if I would have performed the ritualistic laying out and testing of the lights that they would have been lighted during testing, but would have gone out when strung onto the tree.

I was not thrown by the light failure and replaced that string with a right-out-of-the-box, brand new set of indoor-outdoor white mini-lights, 150 of them. Cool. They worked.

Stacey told me to trim some branches off one side because of a "bulge." So, I got the kitchen shears to trim the "bulge." I snipped off a little branch and then another one, both falling to the floor. The green wiring on the lights really blends in well with the green color of the tree. Modern color plastics technology is impressive in this particular application. I snipped again and the brand new string of lights went dark. I waited a moment to see if the entire eastern seaboard would blink out. Fortunately, it did not.

WTF. I said it out loud, though. I admit it. I know that's like a mortal sin, saying that when putting up the Christmas tree. She laughed. The boy laughed. Funny.

I needed tape. It was a brand new strand of lights. I was not going to unstring it from the tree. Again. And I have dabbled in the electronic arts from time-to-time. The novice should unplug the lights so that he or she will eliminate the possibility of electrical shock. But if you strip the insulation off the wires , twist them together, and tape them, then plug them in and they don't light up, you've wasted a whole lot of time and tape, and you have to start over again.

So, I left the string of lights plugged in. Stripping the insulation off the wires is a necessary step, so that the wires can be spliced together. And the wire stripper ... that was in the cold garage in one of the tool boxes or upstairs in the drawer of the dresser on my side of the bed or in the cupboard above the washer in the laundry room. Or it could have been in the pool box which is still outside because I did do some electrical work out by the pool. So, I used my teeth to strip the green plastic insulation off the wires.

To be frank, I don't know how it happened, but I should have been okay. I mean, electrically speaking, I did nothing wrong. It's like the birds perched on the high-voltage wires way up there in the sky. Same principle ... I think. And there was no problem here with the technique. Sometimes though, there are distractions which occur -- the chair you're standing on wobbles a little; the dog jumps on your leg; or, as in this case, she says something cute about some ornament and I look over, just with my eyes, mind you, just with my eyes, and well ... electrically speaking, something happened because I felt like I had a mouth full of buzzing and stinging bees that were not only in my mouth but dancing back and forth across my face real fast and up and down my arms, almost like that guy wearing the suit of bees I saw in Ripley's Believe or Not Museum in Niagara Falls would feel if they were, in fact, stinging him.

Having discovered which was the live wire, the rest was easy.

Electricity can be your friend.

Posted by Bill at December 15, 2003 11:20 PM