January 20, 2004

State of the Fucking Union

I expect that we will be hearing a lot of objectively unbelievable, twisted stuff from the mouthpiece tonight in the State of the Union address.

I know the state of the Union -- two words, it sucks. Like I have said before, Hooters down in the Flats in Cleveland, long a hot spot, closed. No need to tell me the tax cut must be permanent; no need to tell me Social Security should be privatized at a $100 billion a year for 10 years; no need to tell me one-half trillion dollars is really nothing compared to what has been accomplished in the last three years. And no need to brag about the new Medicare benefit. Where is the money coming from? A mortgage on the future? SHOW ME THE MONEY!

Enough of this whining. Let's move on to the truth. I picked up the J-Dogg at the local guitar store earlier and saw a newspaper on one of the benches near the door.

The reader will recall that the Department of War said there were secret operations going on in Iraq, which resulted in the caprture of the evil Saddam Hussein.

The headline from the Weekly World News announced that Bat Boy had been instrumental in capturing Saddam. There was a picture of Bat Boy, arms extended over his head in exultation, right there in Saddam's spider hole! I am hoping that Bush gives credit where credit is due tonight regarding the capture of Saddam, but I doubt that will happen.

And I wonder if George the Lesser will let us know that severely near-sighted, American-despising, 6-foot-tall, highly intelligent, mutant mole people living in caves, holes, lairs, and tunnels in Wyoming littered with books on making dirty bombs and delivering biological agents pose a threat greater than that of Al Qaeda to the security of the United States.

It's true! Don't believe me? I read about it in the press.

Don't believe everything you hear tonight. And don't believe that the President has your interest at heart. Unless your name is Karl Rove.

Posted by Bill at January 20, 2004 04:32 PM
Comments

yeah, i turned it off after 30 minutes of listening to him toot his own horn on how he's saving us from the imminent threat of death at the hands of the terrorists.

Posted by: tj at January 21, 2004 09:27 AM

There was a State of the Union address last night? Damn. Hope I didn't miss anything important.

I was busy celebratin' my burfday. :) What's the dubya doin' scheduling something like that on my burfday, anyway?

Posted by: Keri at January 21, 2004 11:11 AM

I was most encouraged by the president's support of a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage.

Posted by: Brett at January 22, 2004 11:47 PM