February 19, 2004

The End of February

I peruse the Toronto Star, which must not be confused with "Star," the weekly tabloid, which I take a look at in the check-out line at the grocery store if the self-scan robot check-out isn't open, and found an article that has three recipes to help make it through "this bleak month."

This bleak month -- February. I hadn't thought of that adjective. Not one person I know is enamored with the month of February. Go ahead -- do your own poll. "What's your favorite month?" Results: February -- 0%.

It's a fucked-up month. The weather sucks. Even in South Africa, it's windier than Chicago and hotter than hell. Around these parts, there are piles of gray-black ice all over, making for an extremely ugly landscape. The trees are bare. There are no flowers. It's cold. It's cloudy. If it's sunny, it's frigid. All the school snow days have been used up. And a lot of people don't know how to pronounce it.

Here's the deal.

We eliminate February and make all months 33 days long. Instead of the month of February, we will have a two-day holiday, celebrated immediately after January 33rd. In the U.S.A., the holiday will consist of Ground Hog Day and, as a concession to retailers and candy-makers (the maker of Peeps included), Valentine's Day. And in presidential election years, which are also leap years, President's Day will make it a three-day holiday. In other countries, name the days what you will.

There you have it -- the end of February. If you don't like the idea, you can bi

Posted by Bill at February 19, 2004 12:38 AM
Comments

"All the months of the year
Curse a fair Februeer."
Old saying (Not sure what it means though)

Posted by: Anji at February 19, 2004 10:19 AM

I've had a similar idea for some time, recognizing that Feb is holiday-heavy just so we feel like we're getting more out of it and getting through it faster. I was proud of my theory and suggested it to some drinking buddies, who greeted it with stony silence. Three of them had Feb birthdays and two loved valentines day more than christmas. I'd offended them deeply. Hell, if they want to like Feb, it's their funeral.

I also think the day after "fall back" should be a holiday. They rip us off for an hour of sleep and then expect us to function at work? Bastards!

Posted by: dan at February 19, 2004 10:22 AM

Hmmm ... I used to make a version of Sweet Potato Smash that called for Southern Comfort instead of maple syrup. It was called Festive Sweet Potatoes because everyone was so very festive after a few bites of the thing.

Posted by: Suzette at February 19, 2004 11:48 AM

But but but, if we get rid of February I won't have a birthday anymore, hey thats not such a bad thing come to think of it. Alright, let's axe it!

Posted by: Jeff A at February 19, 2004 11:56 AM

Hey, I won't have a birthday anymore either! And neither will most of the people I know. (One year, all but one person in percussion ensemble was an Aquarius.) Around here, February brings artificial spring (it was 65 last week) before more rain. I think February makes us appreciate the other months even more.

Posted by: pink lotus at February 19, 2004 01:32 PM

I object! (Unless you agree that every day of the year is my birthday and you have to send me a present each one of those days. I have my price. I can be bought.)

Posted by: Joel at February 20, 2004 12:15 AM

YES. February could work for me too.

Posted by: Michelle at February 20, 2004 03:08 PM

It all makes perfect sense to me, but then I just finished a glass of wine. (nope, not Burgundy!)

Posted by: Philip at February 22, 2004 09:20 PM