There is a fucking spider in the white VW Beetle with the black "The Who" sticker on the back bumper! It's not one of those inconsequentially small little tiny spiders, but one the size of the spiders in the movie, Arachnophobia.
I was driving to pick up Stacey. I wasn't sure, but I thought I saw some movement at the periphery of my vision, movement of something on my right leg, my thigh, just above the knee. I wasn't sure if I really saw anything, but then there was the movement again; so, I glanced down and did one of those whoa-slapping-brushing-hitting-shaking, whatthefuck-goddamn-sonuvabitch-motherfuckingshit things that I do when there's a huge fucking deadly spider from the eighth dimension on my leg.
I'm getting shivers up and down my spine thinking about it and that creepy crawling thing is going on like all over my body.
And I almost hit the car in front of me. And I don't know if it's dead ... No, that's not true ... I know it's not dead because there is no smashed spider body anywhere. It's still in the car. And I told Stacey when she got in the car. And I didn’t see the thing rear its ugly, multi-eyed head on the drive home. I’m going out to find it and capture or kill it, the former if it is passive, the latter if it attacks. Tae kwon do lessons did not teach me to kill with my bare hands for no reason … I knew the lessons would come in handy.
If you do not hear from me for a few days … well, we won’t think about that.
Posted by Bill at May 20, 2004 06:03 PMIT'S NOT DEAD???!!! you told me it was dead!!!
Posted by: stacey at May 20, 2004 06:15 PMspiders most definitely will make me hurt myself more than they possibly ever could - unless they are a venomous variety. Used to work for a family practice M.D. Had this patient that got into a nest of brown recluse spiders while cleaning out an old garage. Bite him several times on both hands. He had to have multiple surgeries and skin grafts, and last I knew, was having physical therapy to regain some use of his left hand. The right hand was scarred and ugly but did not get as much venom as the left. Scary.
Posted by: Cowtown Pattie at May 20, 2004 10:51 PMOh lord, CTP, what a story to tell the man at a time like this! Billy, my suggestion to you is,
BUG BOMB. And then air the little beetle out for a few months while you drive J-Dogg's car. Stacey DID buy it for him after all. He owes you guys the rides! ;-) He might not think so. But he'll understand. I just know he will...
Posted by: Keri at May 20, 2004 11:42 PMOh man-- sell the car, sell the car!
I do NOT like spiders ewwww ew ew ew
Posted by: Jeff A at May 21, 2004 02:09 AMHe just wants to get to know you better.
Posted by: Anji at May 21, 2004 02:14 AMROFL - I am sorry but I just had to laugh at your comment "whoa-slapping-brushing-hitting-shaking, whatthefuck-goddamn-sonuvabitch-motherfuckingshit things that I do" because that is EXACTLY what I do. I have now also begun suffocating myself in poisonous fumes when I decide to empty an entire can of spray onto any insect who venturs into my home. In fact I even warn them when I see them, telling them that they have a death-wish remaining anywhere near me. They don't listen - and now are dead. You may have to spray inside the car Bill.
Posted by: Michelle at May 21, 2004 02:21 AMLOL, I too find that a bit humorous. (Sorry). I hope you got him! That would give me the heebie jeebies - and if found IN the car WHILE driving I probably would wreck!
My mom (who lives in Tx) squished a tranchula with a 2x4. I wouldn't of wanted to be there, for that mess, but they do die!
Posted by: Trish at May 21, 2004 08:06 AMSorry bout the earlier post. Maybe in bad taste considering your plight...
Nothing I am proud of, but the tarantula story reminded me of an childhood memory: 4th of July in far West Texas ( Robert Lee, Texas to be exact) and a huge, black tarantula ambled across my foot while standing out in the street popping firecrackers. Had a roman candle in my hand at the time, and used it as a flaming weapon upon the unsuspecting arachnid. I felt badly afterward, watching the poor thing writhe pathetically on the asphalt. Tarantulas seldom bite, but they are scary-looking critters. Now, all my 4th's include a mental visit to my ancient past of bad karma. I hope Buddha has forgiven me.
Posted by: Cowtown Pattie at May 21, 2004 02:45 PMIf you DO catch the little bugger, maybe you could keep it in a cage and teach it tricks. 'Cuz if you don't kill it, and just turn it loose in the grass somewhere, I'm sure it will hunt you down for revenge.
Posted by: Philip at May 22, 2004 03:58 PM