Nothing But Love :: golf blogger

Dental Caries

I saw this ... thing ... in the dentist's office this afternoon. I don't know what it is. I did not ask. I watched to make sure that my dentist didn't use it on me. It is called "WIG-L-BUG®." It sounds like something that might be alive -- it was in a clouded-glass covered opaque plastic container with a power cord.

Dentist: We are going to be treating your gum disease in a new way.

Patient: Will it hurt?

Dentist: Hahahahaha! Did you hear that, Nurse Ratched, 'Does it hurt?' You, sir, should go on the Letterman Show. ... I said it was new, not that it was painless. Are you daft? Of course, it hurts. I am a dentist. By definition, everything I do to you hurts. And what is even funnier is that I get paid to do that ... by you!

Patient: Wha-wha-what is this n-n-new treatment?

Dentist: We call it ... the WIG-L-BUG®! Open wide, now. We wouldn't want to miss your mouth now, would we, and have this little sucker burrow into your eye and start eating, eating, eating, would we now!!! Mwahaha-mwahahaha! Turn up the Muzak, Nurse Ratched! We don't want other patients to hear your screams!! Mwahahaha!

The dentist and I reviewed the radiographs of my teeth. She poked around with a poker tool. She stabbed at my gums with a stabber tool. I made her laugh about my wisdom tooth. We discussed a "treatment plan," replacing two fillings in a couple weeks. I said, "That sounds good. You won't be using those WIG-L-BUGS® on me, then?"

She looked at the dental assistant, who shrugged. "Let's go up front and set up that next appointment," the dentist said. It was supposed to be a joke ....

The fillings are old. The silver-y ones. They probably have mercury in them. I wonder if the haz-mat team will be there.

Posted by Bill at June 2, 2004 10:25 PM