The gate to the pool area had deteriorated over the last couple years. I did a half-assed fix on it last spring that lasted about as long as last summer's black-out. You know how that is -- since I fixed it, I knew what had to be done to maintain the integrity of the repair, but someone else comes around and tries to open the gate and -- Whammo! -- fuckin' draggin' on the ground so you have to like pick it up and swing it closed. And then you have people saying to you, "Hey, I thought you fixed that gate," or "Hey, when you going to fix the fucking gate?" or "Hey, you did a nice job fixing that gate." The goddamned kids in the neighborhood are just so fucking cruel -- no pool privileges for them this summer.
I broke down and decided to put some of my carpentry skills to work. I had not used my table saw or my miter saw in a while. Unlike my electrical repair skills, my carpentry skills are something in which I take some pride. I made a new gate ... much better construction than the old one. I'm not happy with the old hinges. I'm going to head up to Home Depot for a spring loaded hinge so the gate closes by itself. And I'll need a spring-loaded latch, too. And a big fucking lock.
I am not as adept at trimming trees as I am at building fence gates. I think a physics degree would have been helpful, seeing that gravity plays such a major role in determining which way a limb will fall when the person cutting is standing beneath the limb. Not to say that I was dumb enough to stand under the big-ass tree limb while standing on the pink step stool cutting the limb. No, not me. That's one thing, though. Another thing is that sawdust, although heavier than air, can be blown by a small breeze right into the eyes of the person cutting the branch. Not to say that I was stupid enough to not wear safety goggles, even though I wear contact lenses, and it is a bitch when I get sawdust in my eyes. No, not me.
And the third thing is that the person cutting the branch should not lay on the ground for too long because neighbors tend to get alarmed and run over and see if that person is dead or something. Not to say that I got knocked off a pink step stool right on my ass by a big fucking branch that fell after I cut it and lay there laughing for about five minutes, realizing what a dumbass I was. No, not me.
Posted by Bill at June 7, 2004 09:07 AMI thought you'd at least amputate a hand.
Posted by: Anji at June 7, 2004 11:00 AMSo being a lawyer requires intelligence but not common sense then? ;-)
I have done something similar so I really can't say anything!
OMFG. I'm just glad you lived to tell the tale, Bill. Stacey hasn't been out here yelling at you yet. Does she already know about your tree cutting? oy.
Posted by: Keri at June 7, 2004 02:58 PM