jackson got his eyebrow pierced again yesterday.
he had it pierced the first time almost exactly three years ago. within a couple months, the shit hit the fan for him (and all of us who love him) when we all found out that he was using drugs. in fact, in only those couple months, jax went through 8 thousand dollars worth of cocaine. he hit the wall big time. it was a terrible time. for all of us. but it all had to happen.
sometime in early 2002, he took the ring out. it was some kind of symbol to him (i’m not naive enough to not realize that it was also a kind of manipulative gesture) of his desire to change. it was a hard time for him. he didn’t leave for rehab until february 21, and he was still using. trying not to use. but failing miserably.
we don’t like to think a lot about that jackson of late 2001/early 2002. and for bill and me, the eyebrow ring was a kind of bad memory. when we picture him in our minds from those days, he’s wearing it.
he’s brought up the idea of getting another one a couple times. i’m pretty sure our reaction was comparable to being hit – hard – in the stomach. but yesterday, he called and ASKED us if he could get one. bill answered the phone, and jax caught him at a bad moment in the middle of a construction project, so bill knee-jerked and responded negatively. not in the “i say no” response, just in the general “i don’t like it at all” papa-bear way. and then bill did what he always does (especially when he's worried he bungled), he handed the call off to me. i talked to jax for a bit, he was a little bit upset/worried over dad’s very negative attitude and mood; and i told him i didn’t have a problem with it, that it was up to him, and we talked about the way people perceived people like jax. i told him that dad was most likely just in a bad mood over his project, frustrated, and just probably took it out on him. i told jax i’d talk to bill. bill took a break, had a cup of coffee, and concurred.
“people like jax:” i’m talking about the way he looks. he’s not your average abercrombie and fitch clone. inside or out. but let's address the "out." he’s a big guy, about 6 feet, over 200 pounds, long hair, tattoos, ears pierced, snake-skin cowboy boots. i think he’s kind of a scary-looking character to a lot of people. the people who know jax laugh at me when i say this, but i think it’s true. i couldn’t care any less than i do. i love the way he looks. he has the most beautiful hair – it will kill me when he cuts it. kill me.
this is the deepest, most loving, centered, considerate 18- (19 in a couple weeks) year-old kid you’ll ever meet. ever. bill and i get such a kick out of going out to dinner with him – he invariably drives separately and has to leave early for an a.a. meeting or work. people have been sitting around us (sometimes with their clone kids) and cutting quick looks at this odd family for a while. he gets up to leave, bends over to kiss me and then bends down to give his dad a quick kiss on the cheek, too. later dudes. i’ll call you. weirds the onlookers right out. i love it, love it, love it. take THAT!
AND this guy called us to ASK us if he could do it. i’m thinking i’ve got a different picture in my mind now of the brow-pierced kid. hope it hits others that way, too. but i'm not gonna lose any sleep over it.
Posted by Stacey at September 19, 2004 01:58 PMYou know I adore Jackson... your emotional description of him is right on! However, I think I'm more of the papabear response. (As if my opinion really matters... but I'll give it!)
Jackson has a hard road ahead of him. He's fought tooth and nail to get above his addiction, and what a HUGE ass accomplishment. However, its still a "mark" on the man in the small minded world we live. So, the eyebrow piercing only complicates matters.
Of course, that being said, I'm never in favor of mutalting the body... tatoos or piercings. I'm not even a fan of the double ear percing... so there... that's my own biasis.
But I would have re-acted like Bill, concern that the world won't take the time to KNOW the real Jackson. And what a waste for the world... and for Jackson, who has so much to teach the world.
- Dana
Posted by: -d at September 19, 2004 11:36 PMI am reading finally, having started with figpaste, then kathy howe, then dana, and then LUCY! (You should check out my blog if only to find out my masterminded way of determining that Lucy was "She" on figpaste posts, and Kathy says you too have been scanning the archives for clues).
Anyway, thought I'd say hello. I'm Jen.
And I think Jax is a brave guy-- have read his blog too (and Matt's-- I have a similar telemarketing story from my own past, though not as funny as his) and being a tattooed mother (shh, don't tell anyone) with two tattoos of my own, I do understand and actually agree with what Dana said (my tattoos are not visible to the world), I sympathize with Jax's desire for self-expression too. He is young. Someday he'll take it out again. Or not.
Posted by: Jen at September 20, 2004 12:21 AMIt's unfortunate that people are judged by their appearance. I can also see that it would bring back those stomach churning memories. At least he asked!
Posted by: Anji at September 20, 2004 02:19 AMi agree with you about the permanent marking "thing." jackson agrees with you. his two tattoos are quarter-sized led zeppelin symbols on the insides of his wrists. easily covered by a watch and long sleeves. he also knows the earrings and eyebrow piercings will stay in for a limited amount of time. he's 19! starting college any minute. if you can't do this stuff now, when? he understands all this, as do i. he's trying to prepare me for the eventual hair cut. i'm just not there yet.
Posted by: stacey at September 20, 2004 10:31 AMhi jen! sheesh. lucy and philip. they'll do ANYTHING for blog traffic!
Posted by: stacey at September 20, 2004 10:33 AMHmmm...I don't think I can articulate why I have a huge lump in my throat after reading this entry. Maybe because I'm a mom, maybe because my spouse is a recovering alcoholic/drug addict that had the ugliest of rock bottom times. Maybe because I have spent years being frustrated at how important looks are to our society.
I guess this is why I read complete stranger's blogs. Somehow, Stacey, you connected all these things together in one post. Now I'll have to sniffle my way through my Monday morning. Tonight I'll go home and pass out extra hugs to my family. Thanks
Posted by: moonandsun at September 20, 2004 11:37 AMI think the entire Lang family should get lip rings.
Sheeba first.
*grins*
Posted by: Kathy Howe at September 20, 2004 03:54 PMStace,
My 16 year-old stepson has let his hair grow long. He is a tall, lanky kid with coke-bottle glasses. Very fragile looking bone structure, and very fair-skinned. My biggest complaint is that he lets it hang in his eyes, and doesn't always wash it daily - which it absolutely must be done due to the teenaged oil problem. As a teenager of the 60's and 70's, I should be the defender of personal rights. As a parent and new step-parent, I find myself ashamedly wondering what people think. Your attitude gives me direction. Tell all the interfering strangers with their sideways glancing to fuck off!