Nothing But Love :: golf blogger

AND THIS

i've been thinking about this idea of god a lot lately. mostly because of jen-o-rama. so i went looking for an e-mail that i had sent to semi-son, mark, in response to a question he asked me. disclaimer: it's kind of self indulgent, masturbatory crap. you've been warned.

"whoa. my philosophy is both much simpler and more complicated (maybe cuz it's not just a simple answer).

i believe that happiness is a choice. not a novel idea, i know. and not really a simple choice either. or an easy choice. cuz i believe you either have that capacity or you don't.

i think xxx is a perfect example of someone who doesn't have that capacity. in a way, that capacity is about what you value in life and also what gives you satisfaction. some people get real satisfaction out of the victim role / definition. it's not possible for these people to choose happiness. why choose that? happiness / the pursuit of self actualization is much, MUCH harder than just letting that victim role comfort and sustain you. and hear this: i think we all have parts of BOTH inside us. the trick is seeing and working on reducing those "bad" pieces.

and some people can only feel good about themselves if they can victimize others. not necessarily violently. this kind of person has to believe that he or she is better than others. they don’t accept poor/rich people, black / white / oriental people, non-christians / christians / muslims / jews / atheists, educated / non educated people, fat / skinny people, gays / straights, whoever is not like them. a lot of these people actually invoke their god to reinforce these prejudices. the ultimate irony. imho.

if what you value is love, compassion, goodness, charity, self-pride, integrity, and the pursuit / creation of those things, you're gold. if you try (you can't ALWAYS succeed every single day) to live your life looking at yourself and reminding yourself of those values, you can't help but be happy. you just can't. you'll fail on some level every day, but the pursuit and self-introspection define you.

notice i don't talk about god. for me, that's just who i am. my god is those values i mentioned above. i don't know if i see god as a kind of PERSON, i see god as those values. with a touch of a person added in cuz it makes it easier for me to talk to him / her.

i don't know, mark. we're human animals, gifted with LIFE. i like to think we're supposed to LIVE it. in the best way possible. for me that means loving and all that entails. i am also a bitch, and for some reason, i don't feel that that bitch part of me is anathema to those values. i'd have to agree that (if you're thinking it) the bitchiness is mostly arrogance. if you'll notice, i really turn that part of me on to try to get others (whom *i* have judged to have behaved in less than perfect ways) to see the error of their ways. yes, it IS a character flaw. AND a protective device, too.

i don't believe for me that in order to have lived a good and happy life that i have to be a rocket scientist or a nun. i'm a happy person, mostly because i'm happy with my values -- and i'm satisfied that i try to at least THINK about those values every day. i'm going to love my husband and family -- and i pray they'll KNOW they've been loved.

these lyrics are from the muppet's christmas album – yes, i know it’s weird how the muppets put it all together for me.

it's in everyone of us to be wise.
find your heart. open up both your eyes.
we can all know everything without ever knowing why.
it's in everyone of us bye and bye, bye and bye."