Scene I
Judge's chambers: A handsome, dashing bald lawyer is seated across from gray-haired older man, who sits behind a desk, a large decorative gavel next to the phone among the paperwork. A younger man with greasy, slicked-back hair, the prosecuting attorney, walks in without knocking.
Prosecutor: Sorry to interrupt, Bill. Judge, they got that woman in the holding cell. Apparently, she's not getting medication and was talking to someone who wasn't there on the way over.
Judge: So, what are we going to do?
Pros: The officer said to drop the felonies if we can get her admitted to the hospital.
Judge: I can't do that. We're not equipped at this court to monitor her like that. Maybe she will waive the hearing and agree that it can go over to the county. She can get help through them.
Pros: She's never going to understand. You need to appoint a lawyer for her.
Judge: She said Tuesday she didn't need a lawyer, but maybe you're right.
Bill: What? What are you two looking at? Are you ... lookin' at me?
_________________
Scene II
Modern courtroom with cameras and microphones, computer monitors, and state of the art sound system that transmits the proceedings to the Clerk's office and the hallway outside the court room, which is crowded with people sitting in four rows in the rear of the room. The same handsome, dashing bald lawyer stands below the high podium upon which the same judge is seated behind the intricately carved, bullet-proof desk-like affair. The same prosecutor stands to the lawyer's right, leaning on a rail. On the lawyer's left is a mousy-looking woman in an orange jumpsuit with uncombed hair and no make-up.
Judge: Ms. Smith, you've spoken at length with your lawyer and ...
Lady (interrupting): I'm not Ms. Smith. I am Jane Smith.
Judge: Very well, Jane Smith, you have had an opportunity to speak with your lawyer. Has he explained what is happening?
Lady: Yes, yes, yes, yes. He's bald. My neighbor is bald.
Judge: Then you will waive the preliminary hearing and the case will be transferred to the common pleas court.
Lady: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. We didn't talk about waving. He said we would not have a hearing. I'm giving up my right to have a hearing. That's what we decided. I don't know anything about waving, except there are too many flag-wavers out there. I'm not waving one.
Bill: Let the record reflect, your Honor, that Ms. Smith ...
Lady: Jane Smith!
Bill: Jane Smith is giving up her right to a preliminary hearing and that the prosecutor has given me all of the reports and records.
Judge: Okay. What about bond?
Prosecutor: We would like a high bond, unless we can be assured that she'll take her medications.
Lady: No, no, no, no. I'm not on medication.
Pros: You refused the medication at the jail.
Lady: I'm not on medication. Are you on medication? Antbody?
Pros: Unfortunately, I am.
Lady: Viagra? You taking Viagra?
***************Uproarious laughter****************
Posted by Bill at November 19, 2004 04:07 PMOh my. Lucky you to have such a fine client! She sounds fun! Hey... was she driving the car? heh.
Posted by: Keri at November 19, 2004 10:50 PMYou know, Bill, that no one really wants to touch this one.
Although, I can think of.....nope, not going to go there. Stacey would say such a comment was snide. Slightly cryptic. And definitely, downright shitty.
But funny. ;-)
Posted by: lucy at November 20, 2004 12:21 AMOK, which episode of Law and Order will include this?
Posted by: TW at November 20, 2004 08:31 PMYou crack me up!
-d