I finally found the lawyer, to whom I paid Stacey's hard-earned money for Girl Scout cookies. I know that he had been avoiding me all these months. After claiming that he had the cookies in his trunk and that he would produce them the next time we saw each other a few months ago, I never saw him anywhere. He never called me, despite the fact I put my phone number on the order form.
Today, I walked into one of the jury rooms; and there he was, sitting and talking to one of the prosecutors. He looked at me, surprise on his face.
I leveled my arm and pointed at him with my blunt-tipped right index finger, which was the result of getting smashed by a baseball before the turn of the century, "You have my Girl Scout cookies. Where are they?"
"I owe you $12," he said.
"The cookies ... I ... want ... the ... cookies."
"I'm sorry, Billy, I ate them."
"You ... ate ... my ... cookies? You ... ate ... my ... cookies? Have you no consideration for my feelings? What do you think this is? You think this is just some cookie thing? These weren't just any cookies; these were Girl Scout cookies, man. This is tradition you're fucking with ... this is part of living, man."
"Billy, they would have been stale. That was back in April."
"That's fucking bullshit, and you know it. People in the wilderness survived on old Girl Scout cookies they found. I saw that on the Discovery channel once. In fact, those coconut things I ordered just get better and better with age."
"My wife was mad at me for not delivering them, so ..."
"So, to save your ass, you said you delivered them. Then you ate the fucking evidence? That is so low ... I don't believe this. I oughta tell your wife. Good thing I don't remember your last name."
Posted by Bill at December 6, 2004 11:06 PMDamn right they're a tradition! Right up there with apple pie and baseball! Juliette would be appalled!
Although I don't usually ever eat any that I buy...the boys sure like 'em, though.
Posted by: lucy at December 6, 2004 11:59 PMLOL Bill - I would have loved to have seen the look on his face.
Posted by: Michelle at December 7, 2004 06:26 AMDo you remeber the cookie bear on the Andy William's show?
Posted by: Anji at December 7, 2004 08:31 AMMan...I haven't seen a Girl Scout in YEARS! I miss Thin Mints.
Posted by: Kathy Howe at December 7, 2004 09:36 AMHorrifying. What is wrong with him? Disbarment would be too good for him. Maybe he should have to eat crappy, generic, stale cookies for the rest of his life.
Some people have no sense. Don't mess with a person's Girl Scout cookies. It doesn't get much lower.
Posted by: moonandsun at December 7, 2004 11:43 AMDidn't he violate some lawyer type canon of ethics or something by eating the evidence?
Posted by: TW at December 7, 2004 04:30 PM