The J-dogg finally got his car back from the transmission place ... the third place to rebuild the transmission. He drove the car more miles today than he did the last five months. But this is not the story you want to hear.
We had a loaner car from the auto repair shop, a Buick something-or-other, like my mother used to drive. I wasn't really used to driving a car like that, let alone that car. You know ... you get a feel about how much gas is left in the tank, depending on how far below the "E" the needle is, and how far you can drive. Yeah, you do.
I guess I didn't have a feel for how far I could drive ... because I got to the corner and had to stop at the red light. One measly block to my left is the Shell station. I mean, I could see the gas station clearly. I could smell the gasoline. I had my left turn signal on. I was first in line at the light. What was it ... like about five more seconds at the light and then drive about 250 feet and pull into the station?
And then the car just stopped running and all the little idiot lights came on, like they were all screaming "IDIOT!" at me. I cranked it because there had to be some gas that condensed somewhere. Yeah, it worked. It started.
Hah! You thought that I was going to say that I ran out of gas. I slipped the car out of "P" and into "D," stepped on the gas. The light had turned red, but I thought, "Fuck it," in a Minnesota accent. I didn't have any time or precious fuel to waste just sitting there, waiting for the light to change.
The engine died. I could have thrown a rock and hit the fucking gas pumps. I was oh-so-close. If it was 75 degrees instead of like 95 degrees, I would have made it. There wouldn't have been that major amount of evaporation to fuck me up.
And it wasn't my car. I wasn't used to it. At least with the car from Enterprise, it had that message thingy that said "8 miles to E." And "Get gas, you fucking moron!"
So, it wasn't really me. Not my fault.
I know you're laughing, saying it was my fault; but you'd be wrong.
Posted by Bill at July 7, 2005 11:58 PM
I wasn't laughing, it was Kathy back there!
Posted by: Jeff A at July 8, 2005 12:34 PMYes, I was laughing and receiving dirty looks from my coworkers that are trying to have a business meeting.
If I get a reprimand, I'll say it's Bill's fault.
Posted by: moonandsun03 at July 8, 2005 01:05 PMI WAS laughing, but only at your lame attempt at a Minnesota accent. geeze Bill. Haven't we taught you ANYTHING yet? You not only hafta get the words right, but ya hafta get alla dem der stress marks in just the right places, dontcha know. Ain't that right, Kath? He outta come on up here and take a few lessons some time dis summer I tink.
Posted by: Keri at July 8, 2005 02:31 PMUh, Bill, "E" is for Empty...
And "E" is for Entertaining, as Bill always is.
"E" is for Eloquent, which Bill seldom waxes.
But "E" in auto language is never, ever for Extra.
"E" is also for Ewwwww! This comment stinks!
Posted by: Cowtown Pattie at July 9, 2005 09:59 AMYou are, like, so unscientific about this low fuel thing, to wit: First, you must determine how many miles you can drive on Empty before you actually drive on empty.
Sheesh!
Posted by: lucy at July 11, 2005 10:29 PM