July 14, 2005

Yoga

Just when I think that I have things slightly under control and that my client understands how he is supposed to act in the courtroom and what he is supposed to wear, my client shows up, not wearing shorts, but wearing a clean white shirt over a pair of pants that end just above his ankles. That is not a good thing to do when I have worked out a deal to have the drunk driving charge thrown out.

But I remained calm and unnerved. This was a minor thing compared to the experience of my first yoga class last night. You'd think that a relatively simple thing like standing on one leg, which is one of the tests police use to determine if someone might be drunk, wouldn't be so difficult to do that I could end up in a flaccid heap on the floor.

I was nervous, it being my first time and all. Maintaining that erect posture for a long period without giving in to the body's urges is something one learns only from experience. My yoga master rushed over to assist in getting me up. I thanked her for her very kind offer and advised her I didn't need any outside help to get up.

Funny, I had no real problem on the other leg because I maintained an intense focus on keeping erect and unwavering. It was good. Well, that’s only what I thought …

The other positions were not as difficult, at least for me. The yoga master came and gave me a block to use because she thought that I wouldn’t be in the proper position as I was stretched out touching the floor with my left hand, right arm stretched out toward the ceiling, legs splayed way apart. I asked her what I was doing wrong; she told me; I corrected the position; she said that I was in great position and didn’t need any artificial devices to aid me in achieving the goal. So, I guess she felt good about how I performed.

I was pleased with the class and plan to continue.

Posted by Bill at July 14, 2005 02:00 PM
Comments

You're really talking about sex here, aren't you?

Posted by: lucy at July 14, 2005 02:08 PM

sheesh, no kidding, luce.

flaccid
erect
positions
devices
performed
pleased

Posted by: stacey at July 14, 2005 02:45 PM

dude I've been "practicing yoga" for 15 years now and the one-legged shit is still way out of my reach. and if you get into it much deeper there's a lot of great verbs and adjectives with which to confuse your readers and embarass your wife. bound postures.... the reach-around.... and of course, grabbing your ankles and extending through your sitbones. Really, the only plus to it all is that a well-worn yoga mat is a total chick magnet.

Posted by: dan at July 14, 2005 07:45 PM

My workplace offered a lunchtime yoga class a few years ago. There is nothing like balancing, stretching, and rotating with 15 of your co-workers while the instructor walks around purring, "feeeeeeeeel the interrrrrnaaaaal massssssssaaaaaaaaaaaaage."

Posted by: elle at July 15, 2005 06:17 AM

I was so not gonna touch this. Glad you ladies did. Further proof that I am not a pervert.

Posted by: VFH at July 15, 2005 02:04 PM

I am way impressed, dude!

Posted by: Cowtown Pattie at July 16, 2005 10:29 AM

I am laughing so much at Lucy and Stacey's comments that I am unable to post a decent reply. I believe yoga is excellent - something I have been wanting to do for ages. Have fun and hope to hear more about your classes.

Posted by: Michelle at July 17, 2005 03:53 PM