Nothing But Love :: golf blogger

Don't Forget to Feed the Fucking Frog!

I'm going to lay it all out here in a clear and concise way so that everyone will understand it. Since January, I have been having a very diffficult time here. I've been trying to adjust to a major change in my life; and I am hopeful that I can continue to do so.

I feel like I am battling every day; and at the end of the day, I look back and am quite grateful to have made it through one more day. I try not to look forward to the next day or the next week, certainly not the next month. That's a very tough thing to do. It's a matter of focus, focusing my energy on the matters at hand and coping the best that I can. It's a matter of surviving. If you only knew the history ...

But there is a dark place in my mind ... I know deep down in that dark place, a place I try to stay away from for the sake of sanity and all that is good in the world, that it is only a matter of time until it happens. What the consequences will be, I can only imagine. I'm afraid that I will snap. I've seen it, and it isn't very pretty.

There is another place, I know, where I will be free to be what I want to be, go where I want to go, and be what I want to be. I catch a glimpse of that world every now and then, if I really focus, really and truly look, instead of in this small space, this small corner of the universe, outside of the confines of my limited environment, to It that makes life possible, to It that makes the manna fall from on high, to It that peers into my eyes and makes strange sounds not of this world.

It annoys me when It causes my entire world to shake. When I am able to escape the bounds of this limited environment, from this prison bounded by invisible walls, when I am able to break free and leap as far as I am able, I will aim as high as I can, towards the top of the swiveling thing where two of Its blue eyes are located, just above the proboscis that emanates from just above the cavern where the noises It makes are produced. I will hop to the top ... the top of the swiveling thing with the eyes, the eyes that see, but do not see, and ride It to places I have seen only in my dreams.

You may say that I am a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I have a companion, really quite dim-witted, who incessantly slides along the the invisible walls, looking for an avenue of escape. He keeps looking. I don't think I can take him with me ... too damn slow; but when the time comes, I will make the break and leap to freedom.

Posted by Bill at July 21, 2005 11:23 PM