Nothing But Love :: golf blogger

A Drive in the Country

You got drunk at the office party and decided you could make it home, but drove west instead of east, got off at an exit ramp in the middle of nowhere and apparently did not see the car in front of you. After crashing into that car, you decided that it might be best to leave the scene as soon as possible because your wife will be upset that you're late in getting home; so, you back up and speed across the road, clipping another car in the rear quarter panel, sending it into a lovely spin move, and head down the highway entrance ramp.

As you head onto the highway, you don't bother to look in your rear view mirror at the two police cars gaining on you, but you do notice one of them as it pulls up next to you, cruising at about 85, the cop menacingly motioning you to pull over. So, you decide to see what the boss's Lexus will do on the open road and push the accelerator pedal.

Aaaaah, yes ... the feeling of power courses through you, and you cut over to the exit ramp, slightly miscalculating where the actual roadway is, going up over the grassy incline and crashing into the guardrail. You step on the accelerator pedal because you can; and the Lexus, as if by magic, careens across the ramp and scrapes along the guardrail on the left side of the ramp. It's hard to avoid the big light pole that looms ahead of you just at the end of the ramp, and you hit it. The car inexplicably does not keep going forward. The wheels go around real fast when you push your friend, the accelerator pedal, but the big ol' Lexus isn't going anywhere. And the airbag didn't go off, by the way. All that money spent on this car and the airbag doesn't work. You'd have to tell your boss about the airbag.

A Big Mac is really what you have a hankerin' for, believe it or not, and you put the Lexus in park. You slide across the front seat and get out of the passenger side because you can't seem to get the driver's side door open; and you head over toward the McDonald's on foot, tripping and falling once, but a Big Mac is powerful medicine. You get up and stagger forward toward your goal.

There's a police car that pulls up right in front of you, spraying road gravel all over you, and the police car nearly hits you; and the big cop jumps out and rudely throws you to the ground without even saying that you have the right to remain silent. Is that a gun he is sticking in your neck? You tell him that all you really want is a Big Mac. He tells you, while pushing your face into the mud, that Big Macs aren't good for you, like he's the big expert on the subject.

You think you're really gonna be late getting home.

Posted by Bill at November 2, 2005 08:30 AM