There was a time when I said that I would not be one of those people picking up dog poop with plastic bags. You see, I never walked the dogs; they always stayed in the yard and I then cleaned up the yard. I was wrong. I admit that the polite and decent thing to do is to clean up after my pets. Man, that sounds like I’ve been brainwashed. Really, I haven’t been. But I am one of the polite and decent people in the neighborhood who cleans up after his dogs.
I was stopped by a security guard just inside Target's front door a couple days ago. He asked if he could help me. Now, I went to security guard school. I, in fact, have been a security guard; so, I know a lot of security guard secrets and tricks of the trade.
No, really, I did go to security guard school. I got a perfect score on the certification test for unarmed security guards. And then I worked for Royce Security guarding professional golfers at the U.S. Senior Open golf tournament. I donated my earnings to my son’s high school hockey team. And then my son up and stole my Royce Security sweater that I stole fromforgot to give back to the supervisor who gave it to me because it was awfully chilly one morning of the tournament.
Why was he stopping me instead of the blue-haired lady who walked into the store ahead of me? She probably needed help more than I did. I told him, “No thanks. I don’t need any help.”
He persisted in his examination, “What are you shopping for today? I can direct you to the proper department.”
“Several things. I know where I’m going,” I claimed. “Thanks.”
The guy was starting to annoy me; he was invading my space, coming way too close. He was not looking me in the eye, however. He was looking at the white bag that was peeking out of my coat pocket. I pulled out a couple of white plastic bags with the imprint of the small market next door to our building, “Poop bags. You know, for when I walk the dogs.”
Yes, it has gotten this bad ... I carry around a stockpile of poop bags.
Posted by Bill at February 16, 2006 11:40 PMVery strange. Very strange indeed.
Posted by: Joel Sax at February 17, 2006 04:11 PM