Long time readers have probably gotten the idea that I do not like nearly all the lawyers in the universe. I have never been one of those "have-a-drink-at-the-Elks-Club" kind of lawyer. I've been to the local bar association clambake twice -- in Reagan's first term. I haven't been to dinner with another lawyer since 1988.
I had that car accident. Consequently, I got a bunch of letters in the mail from lawyers offering to represent me, send me to doctors, advising me I should get checked out to make sure I'm not really injured because these injuries sometimes are hidden, and if I am hurt, even ever so slightly, they can get me money at no initial cost to me.
I now have business cards and refrigerator magnets from a bunch of fucking lawyers. Imagine that ... refrigerator magnets, one with a picture of a guy surrounded by several women. I guess the subliminal message is that if I hire that lawyer, I will be surrounded by women ... or something.
When I started doing this business of being a lawyer back in the day, I was part of a "profession." Don't get me wrong ... there were lawyers who had their "bird dogs," people who would solicit potential clients and "recommend" the lawyer, but that was usually done with accident victims who were seriously hurt or in airplane crashes or train wrecks, not with someone involved in a minor fender bender. Actually, the use of “bird dogs” and the mailings I received are not so different … I suppose it's similar to the difference between a high-priced call girl and a streetwalker. They are both prostitutes, no matter what the price.
I have been approached by individuals, who have been in auto accidents and readily admit that they were not hurt; yet, they have asked me to send them to doctors who will “treat” them. One certainly can draw an inference from some of these solicitations that the lawyers can get me money, even though I'm uninjured.
The whole idea of soliciting potential clients is abhorrent to me. Some lawyers justify the practice by calling it “education.” They nobly educate the public about their rights. That's laughable.
So, I’m in court representing a guy who was sued after having rear-ended another car, causing about $750 worth of scratches to the rear bumper. That major crash occurred on March 30, 2004. The guy who got hit ran up about $6,800 in medical expenses, what with seeing his doctor and the physical therapy. He went to a chiropractor who sent him a letter in the mail after the accident, then went to his “family” doctor and was referred to therapy for his sore neck and back. On April 14th, he started doing the physical therapy, which was deep heat massage and some other stuff. On April 26th, he told his therapist he was feeling pretty good after skydiving the weekend before his visit.
What? Skydiving? With a bad back and neck? Well, it doesn’t hurt on the way down, I guess.
He also said he was playing softball twice a week. What? Twice a week? With a bad back and neck?
A week later, he started playing golf, since the weather had broken. With a bad back and neck.
He continued with his physical therapy, though, for another six months … until softball season was over.
And he wants money. Or so his lawyer says.
Look at it this way, Bill. Not all those fucking lawyers really fuck. If there is anything genetic about their behavior, it will die out in a few lines.
Sociopaths may be an apt label for the lawyers you describe.
Posted by: Joel Sax at March 29, 2006 12:58 AMIt's posts like this that remind me how much I adore you and Stacey. :-)
BTW, as a person whose activities are very limited because of multiple herniated discs, I just wish golfing or sky diving were an option. Okay, not really, because I was never interested in either activity before the problems started. I just want to be able to go for a walk in the neighborhood, or sit still during a movie. Or hold a baby for longer than 2 minutes.
Maybe life will improve if I sue someone. Maybe suing is the answer to everyone's problems. (Can you sense the extreme eye-rolling I'm doing?)
Posted by: moonandsun03 at March 29, 2006 12:00 PMoh thanks for reminding me... of that fabulous pizza supper at Danny Boy's, and then the even more fabulous full-on Italian feast we enjoyed at Enzo's or wherever the hell it was you took me when I came to town to perform emergency legal services in '04. My retainer agreement is in the mail.
Posted by: dan at March 29, 2006 09:03 PMI used to work in a minor emergency clinic/family practice. We treated Workers Comp patients. You wanna talk about scams?
Hoo boy, could I tell you some tales...
Posted by: Cowtown Pattie at March 29, 2006 10:35 PMPosted a new stupid criminal story for you on my blog:
http://paxnortona.notfrisco2.com/?p=4011
Posted by: Joel at March 30, 2006 03:56 PMI used to work (paralegal) for a successful litigation firm, where the senior partner was fond of reminding us, "even scumbags need good lawyers."
Posted by: Kyle at April 1, 2006 07:23 PM