Postal Service Guy: Will the next customer step forward.
Me: Good afternoon.
Postal Service Guy: Does this package contain anything flammable or breakable.
Me: Just paper, sir.
Postal Service Guy: That is a "no."
Me: Yes, that would be a "no."
Postal Service Guy: I will write the zip code in the proper space for you.
Me: Thank you.
Postal Service Guy: Your Express Mail package is insured for a value of up to $100. If the mailed item is valued in excess of $100, you can purchase additional insurance to cover the potential loss. Is the value of the contents of your Express Mail package greater than $100.
Me: No.
Postal Service Guy: The package is guarantedd to arrive at this post office box by noon tomorrow.
Me: Thank you.
Postal Service Guy: Will there be anything else for which I might be of assistance.
Me: No, sir.
Postal Service Guy: The charge for the Express Mail is 22 dollars and 50 cents American. How do you wish to pay for this purchase.
Me: Here's my Visa.
Postal Service Guy: Credit or debit.
Me: Debit.
Postal Service Guy: Enter your PIN. Your full signature is not on the reverse side of your Visa card.
Me: Here's my driver's license.
Postal Service Guy: Be advised that I will accept this card for payment today, but I will not accept it for payment in the future unless properly signed.
Me: Yeah, okay.
Postal Service Guy: Here is your receipt You may track your shipment by accessing the world wide web and entering the label number in the appropriate box at the United States Postal Service website, USPS-dot-com. Do you have any questions.
Me: No, er ... thanks.
Postal Service Guy: It was a pleasure to serve you and thank you for using the United States Postal Service for your shipment.
Me: You're welcome.
Now, you must go back and read the part of the Postal Service Guy in a monotone, clipped voice, but with no nasal overtones, with anger seething under the surface because the person standing before him shipping the package is obviously a fucking wise-guy moron of the first magnitude; and if they'd allow you to bring your Colt revolver to work like they used to do, you'd put the dumbass mother-fucker who doesn't know where to write the zip code out of his misery.
Posted by Bill at May 8, 2006 07:47 PMOh, I can imagine it with stunning accuracy. I ship stuff for a living, so I've been over-exposed to the underlying, seething anger that postal employees and UPS employees possess. You just don't know how stupid you are until you've been sneered at by a postal employee. Poor Bill.
To be fair, I must note that my new mail carrier wears fishnet stockings with her uniform shorts, laughs a lot, and never complains about taking packages. She even made up a long, involved, and funny story about the travels of a priority package that took 5 months to get from Wyoming to Calif. I was peeved about it until she told her funny story!
Posted by: moonandsun03 at May 9, 2006 12:05 PMrobots will be doing that job soon ...
Posted by: tj at May 9, 2006 02:24 PMI thought it was a robot, could you see his switch anywhere?
Posted by: Anji at May 10, 2006 10:21 AMI wonder what would've happened if you'd said, "Hey pal, I got your zip code right here," or maybe, "I'll zip code you in a minute, tough guy." Coulda been exciting!
Posted by: Kyle at May 11, 2006 03:49 AM