disclaimer: to my lovely, loving, regular readers -- you may not want to read this. pass on by. this is the post i've been avoiding since i started this blogging thing. i just can't avoid it anymore. it needs to be said. there are only a few people who know the identities of those of whom i am writing. deal with it. it is truth.
i was there. i am a witness.
i know you raped the older girl over and over and over. yes, it was rape because she was 13 when you started. you told me yourself that you loved her as a woman. remember? you were driving me to my babysitting job. i was 15, had known it for a long time; but i guess a 15-year old girl is old enough to be your confidant since a 13-year-old is old enough to be your lover. and yes, it IS rape. tell that story to other rapists and child molesters. maybe they'll believe that bullshit.
i know you left me alone. i don't thank YOU for that. i know it was only because there is / always was something in me that scared / scares you. the time i slapped you for saying you could see through my pajamas. you were pissed. i knew i did the right thing. i know it now. i'm grateful i had it in me. so i don't thank you -- i thank god. i thank me.
i was there when you grabbed the youngest girl's breasts. she came immediately to me devastated. you told her she wanted it when she pulled away shocked.
i am the closest thing there can ever be to an eyewitness. you tell those who cling to the idea of who they want you to be that the oldest girl is a liar. she is not. you know it, she knows it, i know it, and i recently found out that you confided in at least one other person what you did / were doing to her.
we know. someday everyone will know. that's why i posted this. believe it.
Posted by Stacey at June 6, 2006 05:09 PM
What an eloquent way to write such a horrible thing. God and self are the ones to thank my dear--indeed! What an awful legacy for this soul to leave behind...for sad and heavy hearts to remember. I, for one, shall not be moved from my convictions to love and adore the hurting; while diligently fleeing perversion and pain!
Posted by: Tracy Stuart at June 6, 2006 08:22 PMI'm so sorry for this whole situation, Stace. Much love to you and to her.
Posted by: Keri at June 6, 2006 10:36 PMI hope to GOD he isn't doing it to anyone else's daughters now.
I'm so proud of the child version of you! I hope my daughters have the same spirit!!!
-d
What a brave girl you were. Do you think adults would have done anything about it then? (I have my own reasons to think not)
Posted by: Anji at June 7, 2006 07:59 AManji: the adults who knew did nothing. i'm not sure what the law would have done in those days even if they had been made aware. it was a different time.
-d: i pray to god for that also. that is one of the reasons i posted this finally. he has two (three?) very young granddaughters, and i hope the girls' father or mother reads this. i don't hide the address of this blog.
Posted by: stacey at June 7, 2006 10:19 AMI can't think of the proper adjective to describe how wonderful I think you are.
I just don't know what to say, so I will send hugs.
Posted by: moonandsun03 at June 7, 2006 04:03 PMi don't even know what happened, but, that is a situation so many have been in. i recall things from junior high and high school, and people who i hope are in jail right now.
very powerful post. and of course you had it in you stace. you kick ass no matter what your age.
Posted by: christine at June 8, 2006 07:21 AM