Nothing But Love :: golf blogger

FREDDIE

heed my words. do not be tempted to buy one of those cute little froggy aqua babies you see in the mall or target. you'll be tied to the frigging thing for the rest of your life. and the snotty little amphibian won't appreciate your efforts one bit.

i bought / chained myself to freddie in april, 2000. that makes him over SIX YEARS OLD! isn't that like three hundred years old in frog years?!

he was about the size of a dime when i bought him. now he's about the size of a quarter.

that's him with his back turned to me, the snotty, little bastard.

even if you take his age and add it to the other two frogs' ages that bill killed within 2 WEEKS of adoption, you'll still wind up tied to a frog for over 2 years. now i don't know about you, but even that's too long for me.

freddie started out in the house he came in. i soon upgraded him to a double wide, furnished with a tiny porcelain toilet and bathtub, a mailbox, and a park bench. he endured / thrived on all visitors to my office (where he lived in his double wide on my desk). i had to make sure he was fed three times a week when i was out. visitors would knock on his glass. i swear that the cleaning lady brought him treats from home.

my boss brought him to my house while i was out on my first knee leave. he's been home ever since. bill was terrified that freddie would die on his watch when i returned to work. as if.

he survived the move to the city. he even survived when bill knocked him and his double wide to the floor, destroying all. all except freddie. not even a broken mini-frog's leg. he then lived in a ziploc bowl for about a month until we purchased him a new, less ostentatious home. he lived a solitary, spartan life with only a purple rock for a friend. and because his only LIVE friend, a snail, perished in the big fall (i don't have any real evidence of that -- all i know is that snail was thrown out with the detritus of the double wide -- he could be alive SOMEWHERE), his new home became greener and greener. yuck.

it's too hard to put him in a bowl while you clean out his "house," so i decided i'd get another modest little pad for him, get it all prepared just the way he likes it, and just transfer him over. easy, right? 45 minutes of fighting with him, trying to convince him that the frog net (ok. it was the end of a navy blue leotard made into a cup with a coat hanger, so maybe it DID look a little like the big mouth of a fish) was the way to go has just about done me in.

i need a frigging nap. and look at him. THIS house has a plant (ok, so it's fake) and a big shell. what the hell does he have to be so pissed off about?

Posted by Stacey at June 12, 2006 07:39 PM