Okay, okay, okay ... I said that I would never be one of those people walking around carrying plastic bags and cleaning up after my dogs. I know I said that, but times change. They have really, really changed. I actually bought little bags at PetSmart, solely for that purpose. Nobody could have predicted something like that. I checked various bookies, and none even carried odds on it.
And this morning, some fucking motorist, probably coming to work from the suburbs, who was stopped at a stop sign, gave me the "thumbs up" as I threw a used bag in the trash can at the corner.
But check it out ... I haven't used the word "shit" in this post, yet, although I had several opportunities.
I noticed something peculiar about these bags I bought at PetSmart, however. They are blue and, when unfolded for use, are about 9 inches by 14 1/2 inches by ... well ... they're flat. And I could go into my method of use, but that would be pretty gross; and I don't even like to think about it and can't really remember it in detail. I divorce myself from the act while doing it ... go into a trance state, so to speak, because who in their right mind would actually do something like this. There's no telling what I have done while in that trance state ... that altered state ... or what I might do if somebody were to approach me, somebody like a fucking do-gooder from the suburbs driving around my neighborhood making sure the dog shit is being picked up ...
Sorry, sorry ... I'm okay ... really I am ...
The bags from PetSmart ... I noticed that there is a white stripe about 1/2 inch by 2 inches about an inch from the top, that is, the side that is opened. It's kind of like the little stripe of white on the freezer bags that is there to write something on ... who takes the time to do that -- the fucking bags are clear.
So, why is there a white stripe on the PetSmart bags?
Are there people out there who like write down their dog's name on the bag, the date and time ... and then like fucking keep the used bags somewhere ...
As I'm finishing here, I notice that the billboard, one of the red ones with the weird sayings on them ... it's a Cartoon Network promotion, just off the Shoreway has been changed and now has a Cartoon Network logo and a blue character on it ... I could get the binoculars out to look at it, but I'm too lazy.
Posted by Bill at July 7, 2006 09:56 AMI desperately needed a laugh this morning, and you so kindly offered me one!
I just know I will spend my day thinking. Not about anything that would actually help me in my personal life or business, but instead, about the many things a person COULD write on their bag o' dog shit.
Posted by: moonandsun03 at July 7, 2006 12:11 PMWhat gets me in the gag solar plexus is when you pick up still-warm crap that sticks to the lawn, and you hafta squeegie it off of the grassblades with just so much finesse in order to keep from mushing the turds into fecal soup.
Roy. Ralph, Ruby and Rugby....
In our own backyard, Kman just turns the water hose on full blast and melts the poo into the St. Augustine.
He does curse a bit when I have given the poochies leftover corn nuggets from last night's supper...
Posted by: Cowtown Pattie at July 7, 2006 11:54 PMYou just reminded me I need to go de-crap our yard. we got a new puppy, and our big dog is showing her all the places NOT to poo.
As for the white stripe on the bag, sometimes you need to bring a "sample" to your vet. sometimes it is nice to label it so they know who the crap belongs to for testing.
i just had to do that this week and borrowed one from my neighbor, wrote "Brodie" 7/6/06 on the white stripe and they laughed. they said "you're the first person who ever actually labeled the poop. did you write before or after you picked up..."
as for the blue character, is he Bloo?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/amusings/136106390/
like this guy?
if so -- he's the best character ever.
Posted by: christine at July 8, 2006 08:43 AMOh damn, I always hate it when I am someplace where folks think it is the "right thing to do" to clean up dog shit off some lovely lawn or street. I know it is the "right thing to do", but, what a "shitty" job, huh? I miss the city so much; but, the thing I love about being here in the country is, I only have to pick up dog poop if I want to, for our sakes, and not the neighbor's. During the winter months, I go out and clean up the yard a bit. During the summer, Sam simply thinks of the stuff as a great fertilizer, and on his riding mower, he mows it; as he enjoys so, the whole grass-grooming process.
Posted by: Trace at July 8, 2006 08:56 PMOh man, they're clear? No no. That ain't right. In my town, they have dispensers on posts in parks. But poop bags are black, like mini lawn&leaf bags. Sure, you don't leave it in the park for the kids to step in, but you don't have to look at it. :o)
Posted by: Kyle at July 11, 2006 03:58 AMis the stripe there so you can tell instantly which end is the "open" end? or is it just a sporty racing stripe, in case you want to challenge the neighbors to a... um... poo-off?
Posted by: dan at July 11, 2006 03:26 PMOh my christmas...ROFLMAO...you are NOT right, Billy. NOT.RIGHT.
*laughs tears*
Posted by: KathyHowe at July 11, 2006 05:11 PM