Nothing But Love :: golf blogger

DAY 4

nothing but love, baby. nothing but love.

i realized the other day that jackson's new sobriety date would be my birthday! coolness. another reason to pray that he doesn't fuck up. [i should write an entire post about my use of profanity and how i've really tried to cut down here in the nbl; but sometimes, nothing else will do. sorry to those of you whose shoulders tighten up when i use it. really, i AM sorry. obviously, not sorry enough.]

each day has been a good one. it's really not hard to tell when he's working his program. the problem is that when he's not, i work way too hard to believe him. to excuse a lot of his behavior. denial aint just... so i'm looking at myself really hard to see if i'm doing that again. i don't think so. i think it's good. he seems determined and in really good spirits. very articulate about what's going on, about where he's been. he's made some interesting phone calls to people in the program who've told him to call when he's ready. he says he's ready. he's got a new co-sponsor, soon to have a new sponsor, i think.

he had charges in two different jurisdictions. one of them is taken care of. he's on probation, reporting to probation officer on a regular basis, urine tests, blah, blah, blah. there's a hearing on the second charge on friday. this is why h/w/h wouldn't admit him on monday. he is not allowed to leave for a certain amount of time [a few minutes have lapsed here as bill just walked in with dogs. we talked a couple minutes. heard a little beagle howl from hallway. he left scout outside. lolol.] so they wanted him to take care of it and THEN come in.

so today he had to report to probation officer on his first charge, and he admits to using without the piss test. so, she violates him (heh. not THAT way. in the LEGAL way.) but says no arrest or warrant will be issued UNLESS he doesn't report to h/w/h on friday. and if he doesn't, she'll have a warrant issued, he'll be arrested and held in jail until a bed opens up somewhere. YAY! all about recovery. we're praying it'll go pretty much that way on the second charge friday, too.

i thought A LOT about if and what i was going to share here on the nbl about all this; and, obviously, i decided to really share. it's MY life, too, -- and a big part of it -- not just HIS. i don't know what jackson thinks of this, i don't think he's really thrilled about it; but he understands my position and knows he doesn't have too much to say about THAT. so there we are.

again, thanks ya'all for your support. you too, darlene! love ya!

i was in the middle of editing this because bill opened our package from moonandsun, and she commented as i was doing it! I WANTED TO THANK YOU, MOONANDSUN, FOR THE CHOCOLATE LOVE! but i wanted to thank you before you commented. dammit. i suck.

Posted by Stacey at July 26, 2006 12:05 PM