Nothing But Love :: golf blogger

ALMOST THERE

so today we go to court on j's second charge. charge reduced slightly. pleads "no contest." found guilty, sentenced to 90 days in jail, 90 days suspended, $750 fine, $250 suspended, 1 year probation, on condition that he report to h/w/h as soon as bed opens. probation officer set it up for monday -- that's the best they could do.

he's still in good spirits. the kid has 9 months jail time hanging over his head, and some hefty fines. i hope it's enough of a deterrent.

shit, this was a sobering experience. heh. sobering. funny cuz i'm talking about me. you start out as a parent thinking you're going to do everything right. you keep believing that as long as you do, that things will turn out fine and dandy. pfffft. let me tell you something. first of all, there's no such thing as perfection in terms of parenting. no. such. thing. second, we were / are pretty damned good parents. shit happens. believe it.

but i also HAVE TO believe that all things are possible. that this kid can again see that there are bigger and better things out there for his life, that drugs are the devil trying to keep him from that life. that he can beat it.

jax is a huge drug addict. we once had a drug counselor tell us that he'd never seen an addiction problem this big. this from a counselor, sober himself for over 20 years, working with addicts most of that time. it's big. really big. he won't live through it again, i fear. no hyperbole. most drug addicts can live through it. not jax. not keith moon. that's who i think about in terms of jax's problem.

a little respite of a weekend here again for him and then into the house on monday. pray for him.

i have a chair i sit in (it's mine because it has two arms to help me up and a stool upon which to rest my legs). the picure below is what i see when i look up from there. the first picture is the boys when they were about 8 and 12. the second is the photo of the boys and mel taken in may. i plan on seeing many more photos in this series -- i told mel that we'll wait another 10 years to take the next, and my plan is that there will be a wife for jax, and at least two grandchildren. that's MY dream. the past couple of weeks have seen me weeping at these pictures. a lot.

i HAVE to have hope. this is my life, too.

thanks, ya'all.

i'm kind of in a hurry here. i'll fix this entry later if it's a mess. sorry in advance for any technical messes.

Posted by Stacey at July 28, 2006 06:39 PM