Nothing But Love :: golf blogger

An Essay: Dave

I have a friend. I know that surprises most of my readers, but most times truth is far stranger than fiction; and yes, I have a friend. I call him Dave. That's not his real name. I mean that Dave really isn't his real name. I mean to say that I call him Dave. Why? Because I've always called him Dave. And he has always answered me; so, it's something that works. Why change now? I know his real name because when he testified as an expert a long time ago in a trial, the judge asked him his name, like judges do, and Dave told him his real name. But I was used to calling him Dave by that time and decided to keep calling him Dave.

Dave is secretive about his past. He may or may not have been in the armed forces. He was in something. I've seen pictures, that is, honest-to-goodness printed photographs made long before the digital photography revolution, which appear to be unretouched; but if Dave was in something, not the Army or the Navy or the Marines, but something, then the photos may not be totally accurate renditions of reality as it was known back then.

Dave took flying lessons a while back and got his pilot's license. He then got his commercial pilot's license; so, he could haul stuff and people around, in addition to teaching people how to fly. He bought a plane. Oftentimes, people go in together and get a plane because planes can be expensive to buy and maintain. I drew up all the legal paperwork for his plane ownership consortium. The purpose language, why the three of them formed the group, is vague ... the nobody needs to know my business kind of language, which is all well and good and not a bad thing. I amended the paperwork several years ago because one of the guys in the group ... well, there is no other way to put it ... disappeared. Dave said he was leaving town and gave me some explanation, but I never saw the guy after that ... he disappeared. Come to think of it, I never met him face-to-face or talked to him over the phone in the first place.

For the last few years, I've been hinting about going up in the plane, getting some flying lessons here and there, that kind of stuff that friends will do. And Dave said on many occasions that we should go for a plane ride and that I could learn to "drive" the plane and all. A number of times, I flat out told Dave that I was going to meet him at the airport; and he said okay, but then he'd call and tell me that the weather was bad, too windy, too cold, too rainy, kind of like the space shuttle and NASA. And any number of times, he's told me the plane "is broken." He was waiting for a part for about two months, then he said he was making the part; but then the FAA inspector wouldn't certify it for flight. And then he was "re-upholstering the seats." And then the propeller was "cracked." And then he said he "took the plane apart." Why? He wanted to see how it was put together. Then there were the times that "can't fly -- President's in town," or Dave was going out of town on business or out of town for a personal matter, things like that.

I've never been on a ride in Dave's plane. I've never even seen his plane. I don't even know where the airport is.

One day, I was on the phone with Dave's wife and asked her if she had ever been flying with Dave; and get this, she said that she had never even seen his plane and that flying and plane things were Dave's and she wasn't interested at all.

Then I was talking to Dave's daughter and casually mentioned the flying thing and whether she had ever been flying with Dave; and she said she had never been flying with Dave, which I thought was strange, indeed. Then I asked her is she had been to the airport, and she said she had been. And I asked her if she saw her dad's plane, and she said she did see it. I asked her how she knew it was really her dad's plane, and she said that she saw her dad's jacket in the plane. And then I asked her if she ever saw any documentation showing that he dad owned the plane, and she said she hadn't. And then she said, and why she said this I don't know, "I guess that could have been any plane and he just said it was his plane." And then she laughed.

So, I'm thinking that this plane thing is a cover because Dave is the busiest "kind of retired" guy I know. He's a "consultant." But he "consults" an awful lot. When I asked him to go to lunch recently, he said, "I'm working." And I asked, "What about Thursday?" And he said, "Let's see ... hmmmm, I'm working." And I said, "Friday?" And he said, "Working that day, too." And I said, "How 'bout Saturday?" And he replied with one word, "Flying." And I asked, "Are you avoiding me?" And he said, "No, I'm really busy with consulting work."

There it is -- consulting.

But there was this time a few months ago that I called him and told him that somebody told the J-dogg, who was at an AA meeting, that somebodty was coming by to kick the shit out of the J-dogg after the AA meeting that night, and Dave said, "I'll pick you up in 15," and hung up the phone.

We reached the parking lot at about 11, a few minutes before the meeting was supposed to end. Dave quizzed an old man sitting in a pick-up truck and checked out all the cars in the lot. Dave walked toward me and asked if I needed a weapon, and I said, "I have this glass bottle in my pocket," and he said that would be good.

And I asked him if he had a weapon, and he laughed and said, "No, not A weapon." Then he said, "I'm ready."

Nothing happened. Nobody showed. Which was good.

I think Dave is still in something ... not the Army or the Marines or the Navy. Or maybe he just works for somebody ... as a "consultant."

And why the hell didn't the U.S. invade Tonga to impose democratic ideals on that population as opposed to Iraq?

Posted by Bill at September 12, 2006 04:07 PM