Nothing But Love :: golf blogger

JACKSON WILLIAM V.21

tomorrow is my second son's 21st birthday.

i don't think jackson will celebrate with the commonplace drunken debauchery of a 21 year-old male as he's celebrating this auspicious occasion whilst in rehab.

this is the first time we won't be together on his birthday. we will see him sunday, as we will be leaving saturday to travel to montana for the family week group therapy sessions. his counselor requested that we bring no presents except clothing that he'll use on his 20-day wilderness trip that he'll be on after we leave.

between the birth of our 2 sons, we had 2 miscarriages. we decided to try one more time. bill was wary, but i felt that our family was not complete; and so he agreed that we'd try the one last time. if it didn't work out, i agreed, we'd not try again.

i always got pregnant easily. the holding onto the pregnancy was more difficult. the convincing the babies to leave my womb easily was another matter entirely. matty was born on the THIRD attempt at induction nearly TEN FREAKING MONTHS after conception.

with jackson, i was hospitalized at 9 1/2 months after my blood pressure skyrocketed. after a failed induction attempt (i was starting to get used to these), i felt what i thought was my water break. i was thrilled -- that is until the student nurse felt it was her job to tell my doctor that it wasn't "water" but blood. my doctor was furious. i was terrified. bill was white. the fastest c-section in history (ok. so probably not the fastest) ensued. i was put under -- they thought. i have (had -- as anesthesia is not what it used to be) this little problem with anesthesia. my body was paralyzed. my mind wide awake. i felt everything, heard everything. i heard one of the doctors saying, "come on baby, come on. breathe. come on. you can do it." i heard the collective sigh of relief when he was coaxed to life. holy fucking shit, you don't want to hear this kind of stuff and not be able to scream. or do ANYTHING AT ALL.

he was a little peanut, 6 1/2 pounds. dr. told me that he wouldn't have made it if i hadn't been in the hospital when it happened, and i might not have made it either. thank you, god. thank you, doctor weinberg.

i am so grateful to have jackson in my life. he is a beautiful man. he has brought so much to all our lives. he has so much in him to give to the world. please, please god, PLEASE help him do this. i told him last night when he called that god didn't put him here to be a drug user -- that jax is here to do more. he told me that he knows that now. that he's going to try to figure that out and do it.

happy birthday, jax. i adore you.

photos

Posted by Stacey at September 25, 2006 01:31 PM