I received an e-mail the other day.
I bring this up only because a case of swine flu popped up about 35 miles from here -- here being Cleveland, Ohio, which is a long way from Mexico City (!,834 miles as the crow flies), where, at this writing, over 120 people have died from swine flu -- yesterday.
And I checked this out -- Delhi, India, Deputy Mayor S. S. Bajwa did die from injuries received when he fell or was pushed from his balcony on account of a monkey attack. So, along with being very suspicious of everyone around me who is still breathing and may be carrying swine flu, I am also acutely aware of the danger outlined in the e-mail I received, the Monkey Menace.
[You see, I am not as eloquent and not so philosophically-inclined as she who occupies the right half of the screen as I look out at you from your computer.]
I will not bore you with the sales talk from the e-mail from a company called Indolite about ApeScare® , which the company claims "is the most humane, efficient and economical way to fight the Menace of Monkeys," but only quote the worthy benefits of fighting the "Monkey Terror":
With the vanishing wooded greens, the ideal habitat for these monkeys, they are strained to barge in areas inhabited by human beings. Monkeys are as agile on the ground as among the branches. Their playful pranks could lead to a major mishap.
Their interference in human life and the damage caused by these monkeys proved fatal in many cases and also lead to the death of Delhi’s Mayor Mr. S.S.Bajwa.
* * *
We are sure that once you install this you will find this worthy in many ways, such as:
1. HEALTH & HYGINE: Monkey Bite can lead to health hazards like Rabies.
2. EASY INSTALLATION: Very easy installation process. No special training required.
3. NO RECURRING COST: This engineering wonder does not need any maintenance post installation, hence no recurring cost is involved.
4. MAINTENANCE FREE: Virtually no maintenance is required. Being translucent, limits visibility, hence does not affect the looks of your property.
5.
6. NO DISTURBANCE TO AESTHETICS: Being translucent and colourless, mixes with the harmony of the property, thus does not affect the esthetics of the property.
7.
8. ENGINEERING MARVEL: It’s scientific design makes it’s possible to install it on any surface, glass trim, edge etc.
9. SPACE AGE TECHNOLOGY: Made of special grade engineering plastic, same material which is used in space crafts, airplanes and for making bullet proof screens/ sports car etc. Can withstand extreme temperature variations (+100o C to -20o C). U.V. stabilizers added to it make it Sun and Weather proof and assure a shelf life of 5 years.
I can but speculate about why No. 5 and No. 7 were blank.
Playful Pranks by Monkeys.
Posted by Bill at April 27, 2009 11:12 PMOh, you don't want to be putting that thing up on your balcony, no sir. 3 reasons:
1. It's translucent and colourless because it doesn't exist.
2. It causes galloping dandruff in space age laboratory workers.
3. I have it on good authority that Mr. S.S. Bajwa (also a tramp freighter) wasn't killed accidentally. He was rubbed out, iced, knocked off by monkeys, having been warned to uninstall his ApeScare(R).
Posted by: Kyle at May 2, 2009 04:30 PM