While I was walking the dogs this morning, I saw a sign on one of the advertising kiosks that are scattered around. I guess that the kiosks aren't really for advertising because informational "You-Are-Here" maps of the various districts in Cleveland are posted, but the poster-sized ads pay the bills.
The poster was green -- like the color of money -- and urging me to come to Detroit to the New Greektown Casino, where I could "BEAT THE CHICKEN."
Until June 8th, I could "Play Tic-Tac-Toe against a live chicken."
And on June 9th, I "could win $20,000 in our final Chicken Challenge Drawing."
Tic-tac-toe against a chicken, a live chicken, at that.
There is no mention of tic-tac-toe against a live chicken on the New Greektown Casino website -- no mention at all. I did discover, when checking out the website, searching for the chicken, that Ryan Bufalini is the Director of Player Development. What does a director of player development do? Does he train the chicken? No mention of that, but I assume that he has worked many, many hours training the chicken.
Here's the thing about playing tic-tac-toe against a live chicken, as opposed to a dead chicken -- what if you lose? What if you're sitting across from the chicken, and you hit the touch screen on the tic-tac-toe machine -- I am only imagining this scene with the human on one side of the table with the flat screen embedded into it and the chicken sitting on a stool on the other side of the table -- after the chicken has beaked the touch screen, grabbing the middle square with its "X" and after you've put your "O" in place and after the chicken beaks the screen again, and you, all of a sudden, realize that you have underestimated the chicken sitting across from you.
The chicken clucks, as chickens are wont to do, and you wonder what the chicken is thinking. And you hope to hell that the fucking fowl does not notice that a well-placed "X" will win the game. In fact, you make the sign of the cross and say a little prayer that the chicken doesn't notice that you have made what could be a fatal error in your tic-tac-toe strategy.
You say a prayer because people are crowded around watching you play tic-tac-toe against a live chicken. And you will be the laughing stock of the gambling world if you are defeated by a stupid, stupid chicken.
You look across the table at your opponent. Is the chicken smiling? You swear that the chicken is smiling at you. And definitely winked at you. Knows, yes, the chicken knows. And the chicken is taking its time, making you sweat. And here's the deal -- all those people crowded around the glass booth, they are all smiling and laughing. They are smiling and laughing at you because they all know that whether or not the chicken decides to give you a break this time, you have been beaten by a chicken. You have lost a tic-tac-toe game to a chicken. Even if the chicken makes a mistake and you salvage a tie, they know you lost.
That is why they are laughing at you, the person in the glass booth sitting across from a live chicken playing tic-tac-toe.
And as you are sitting there, realizing that your fate is in the claws of a chicken sitting across from you, you wish that you had spent the extra money to get the Gold Club or Silver Club membership. A VIP "can even enjoy the privacy of a separate High Limit Cage."
The privacy of the separate high limit cage. That sounds very nice right now, as you sit across from the gloating live chicken.
Posted by Bill at May 31, 2009 11:22 PMThere is a saying in the smokiest dens, among the coolest steely-eyed men of skill and chance. If you lose a game of tic-tac-toe to a live chicken, remember this: If it ain't shake-n-bake, ya might as well boil it.
Posted by: Kyle at June 2, 2009 02:51 AM