May 04, 2010

Microwave Time

On the microwave, when one of the numbers, 5 or less, is pushed, the microwave oven goes on for the number of minutes equal to the number pushed. Yesterday, I noticed that after I pushed the number 3, appearing on the LED thing, where the time is counted down, was the word, flashing once ... twice ... "EXPRESS." Then the 3:00 appeared and changed to 2:59, 2:58, until the machine beep-beep-beeped, flashing "READY." I never saw that before, not the "READY," but the "EXPRESS."

Then I got to thinking. In the nearly five years I have been using the microwave, I had not seen "EXPRESS" flash on that little screen. Twice it flashed. So, it is a new thing. But why did this "EXPRESS" mode simply appear when I had not noticed it in five years? And how could this happen?

There is but one rational explanation. It is an experiment, not my experiment, but someone else's experiment. And I am apparently an innocent subject in someone else's experiment.

It is an experiment involving time. The microwave is not a simple microwave oven designed to heat stuff, but a device to speed up time. You see, in "EXPRESS" mode, time is sped up by the machine.

And how am I supposed to know that time is sped up? I'm not supposed to know. I'm the subject; I'm not supposed to know.

But now that I know, what do I do? I don't know who is running the experiment or why; so, what do I do? I'll stop using the microwave like They want me to do. And then we'll see what happens. Nobody is speeding up time on me.

Posted by Bill at May 4, 2010 10:46 PM

I haven't seen that on mine yet, but I do know they are lying when they say 'defrost'

Posted by: Anji at May 5, 2010 05:08 AM

it's a miracle that *I* am not crazy.

Posted by: crazy guy's wife at May 5, 2010 02:27 PM

it's a miracle that *I* am not crazy.

Posted by: crazy guy's wife at May 5, 2010 02:27 PM

Ooo, I know this one, from watching PBS. That indicates that your microwave is one of many that rest on a membrane shared by an infinite number of dimensions. Express is actually a transportation mode, allowing you to travel to other dimensions and tell your other selves to get their shit together. Now you just have to identify the appliance in your kitchen that makes you very small, so you can get in and ride.

Posted by: Kyle at May 5, 2010 10:04 PM

Now that Kyle has told you what it is, I'm jealous. I want one. Well, if you ever figure out how to shrink yourself. And embiggen, too... gotta figure those things out first. Good luck.

*waves at crazy guy's wife*

Posted by: Keri at May 7, 2010 12:00 AM