Nothing But Love :: golf blogger

Costco and Caskets

I was looking for an appropriate Christmas gift on the Costco website for a loved one. I think I found something.

And you know how I am, at least my one or two faithful readers know how I am -- it might be only one faithful reader, however, because a guy said something today about Google prowling the internet with Googlebots; so, maybe the one IP address in California is Google. Well, it's nice to know that one out of two visitors might be a real person -- from Russia, no less. Nice. Очень хорошо.

Anyway, curiosity got the best of me. There is a category or department on the Costco website entitled FUNERALS; so, I clicked on it. I found this top-of-the-line casket.

Standard shipping is three days, barring a natural disaster or other "Act of God." It's difficult to predict an "Act of God."

Would God really be that nasty?

Now, you want to be prepared because that's the way you roll. You order your coffin from Costco, saving a lot of money in this miserable economy the President you helped elect has failed to cure in the two long years he has been in office.

Be that as it may, you know a good deal when you see one, especially in the holiday season. You've checked out the testimonials, and The Edward seems to be well-liked.

You figure you can store it in the shed out back along with the John Deere lawn tractor and mower deck, the detachable snow plowing blade, your garden tools, the propane tanks for the grill, the three gasoline cans, one holding 5 gallons, for the tractor, until such time as you need such an item and to save money because, with inflation, the price of high-end Costco coffins will invariably go up, and saving money is oh-so-important in this tough economy; and you head out to the shed to clear room for the casket because it's being delivered two days hence because, of course, you want to be prepared because that's the way you roll.

The weather, what with that theoretical global warming, has been so hot and dry that you haven't cut your lawn, grass being dormant because of the sprinkling ban, in -- gee, it's been a long, long while.

You key the padlock on the shed door. Just at that fraction of a second, your mind plays a trick on you. You see a fleeting image of a label at the gas station, fleeting because the spark from the key touching the padlock ignites the gasoline fumes seeping out of the hotter-than-Hell shed and … well, it didn't hurt all that much, actually.

The coffin is scheduled to arrive in two days, exclusive of weekends, and barring an "Act of God" or other natural disaster. If you are into that God thing, then any natural disaster is an "Act of God;" but Costco doesn't discriminate, and the heathens, and you are one of those, are covered. And you're dead. It doesn't much matter to you when the coffin arrives.

By the way, did you tell anyone that your coffin is being delivered to your house?

Posted by Bill at December 9, 2010 10:36 PM