Nothing But Love :: golf blogger

Your lawyer, who would be me, tells you to wear a white button-down collar shirt and tie, khaki pants, and a navy blue blazer because the judge will like the respect you accord him when you enter your guilty plea and request to be placed in the diversion program so that when you complete the diversion program, the charge of underage drinking, for which you can get 6 months in jail and get fined $1,000, will be dismissed.

Did you think that getting you into the diversion program was automatic? Did you hear that from other students? I told you what to do.

I told you to thank the judge for allowing you to participate and dismissing the case when you complete the requirements and thank him for the opportunity to work at the food bank as your community service. You didn't say what I told you to say. Back in the day, we argued that if 19-year-olds could die in Viet Nam, 19-year-olds should be able to vote. Imagine my surprise when you came up with the clever argument that since 19-year-olds could die in Iraq, 19-year-olds should be able to get shit-faced. I'm really, really stupid. You'll have to explain why those arguments are substantially the same.

Then at that point, after you said such an "inciteful" thing, you moved. It was difficult for me to block the judge's view of your very colorful Budweiser frog tie. I guarantee that he would have overlooked the tie had you not complained about the state drinking laws. And I'm almost positive I would have convinced him to overlook your dislike of the state drinking laws, if you hadn't mentioned dying over in Iraq when you're in this expensive, exclusive private college with no chance of having to go over there and risk your life. I'll ask him next time I see him.