December 18, 2003
Show Me the Money!
Finally. After 7 long years. I saw the envelope. Excitement rippled through me. You know, that shiver shoots through you just like a fucking electric shock. Thank God it didn't go through my heart. I would have croaked right there at the mail box.
Fuck it, I thought. I'm going to the bank. I'll deposit this baby and surprise my wife. Diamond ring. Then I thought, "No, won't be enough. Maybe one of those fancy flat screen monitors or something like that."
The money from the lawsuit came today. Oh, I was pumped. I got to the bank and opened the envelope.
And looked at the check.
What the fuck? I meant to say, "What the fuck?"
I took it over to Molly, the teller, who laughed and said, "I can't cash this, Billy." She handed the check back to me.
She was right. Everyone knows that the law of negotiable instruments says that the words denoting the amount on a check will be paid if there is a conflict between the numbers indicating the amount and the words.
It's not even 17 cents I get. I get 17 fucking MILLS. Not even one red cent. 17/100ths of a cent. Mother-fucking lawyers.
My letter to the god damned administrator of the fucking fund will cost 37 fucking cents to mail. There's no phone number on the letter.
Fucking jackasses. I'm filing a fucking class action suit.
Posted by Bill at December 18, 2003 11:30 PMdamn, .17 cents, you can't even get a gumball for that! Is that even supposed to be plural? I mean it's not even one cent so I guess I should have said: damn .17 cent, you can't even buy a gumball for that!
Yikes, I am rambling on someone elses blog again!
Posted by: Jeff A at December 19, 2003 12:10 AMAh, do you buy those fancy flat screen monitors somewhere you'd like to share... because I'd like to know how you get those for 17/100 of a cent!
-d
Posted by: -d at December 19, 2003 01:34 AMClass action - you go Bill. That cheque was a sarcastic dig at you. The cheque itself cost more than the amount typed thereon. What dorks! Don't let this one pass you by.
Posted by: Michelle at December 19, 2003 02:00 AMWhat the heck is a mill? 17 mills? Man they slammed you bad! Somebody needs an arse whuppin!
Posted by: wanda at December 19, 2003 01:49 PMoh man, I was just 15 mills short for the bus today and I had to walk to work. I sure could have used that check. And with the extra two mills, I'd have been able to get some coupons! Isn't that their cash value?
Posted by: dan at December 19, 2003 02:03 PMMerry Friggin' Xmas, Billy!
Posted by: Philip at December 20, 2003 12:14 AM