Nothing But Love :: golf blogger

YOU'VE BEEN WARNED

i don't wanna make this the menopause journal, but ...

i think the regular (i say regular, cuz "normal" and "stacey" just don't sound right together) stacey was around most of the last 10 days (don't you fucking dare say i wasn't mostly myself for most of that time. at times, i think i was even pretty nice. like when i bought jax that car.

but... but. i think i'm heading slowly downhill. i'm going to really work on making the turnaround quicker. last time, i think bottom lasted for about two weeks. bad. baaaaaad. evil, unhappy stacey. very unhappy stacey.

i'm thinking that what i've read in some places is what's going to happen for me. they say this bad stuff only lasts a couple of months. i'm not going to entertain any other possibilities. see how positive and upbeat i'm being? i'm a positive, upbeat kind of gal, right? RIGHT?!

the nuclear flashes haven't been coming at me so frequently most recently. so that's good, right? RIGHT?! the anxiety attacks, however, and i hate to even mention this, being the positive, upbeat gal i am, the anxiety attacks - not better. they are more frequent. but i'm not going to complain. nope. not me. THIS IS NOT COMPLAINING. IT'S MERELY A CHRONICLE OF ONE WOMAN'S JOURNEY INTO THE NEXT PHASE OF HER LIFE. got it? no complaining. at least while i'm still in control. because i think that sometime in the next 24 hours, i won't be in control anymore. it will be that other stacey. the stacey that hates everything and everybody - but mostly herself and wants only to lay in bed and cry. not the real stacey. don't blame me.

we're picking up j's new (to him) car later. it's a shiny red mitsubishi something thousand. something like that. really, i don't think we're totally indulgent parents. it's just that jax really, really needs a decent car. he goes to at least 6 a.a. meetings a week and drives other people everyday to those meetings. and since bill and i decided to share a car, jax's car does come in handy once in a while when we really do need to use two cars. so, bill's happy, too, that we bought the mitsubishi something something thousand. even if it does look like a big red penis. wait. did i say that out loud?

bill and jax are speaking at a conference on thursday on substance abuse at the local community college. it's for educators and health professionals. bill's speaking as a parent -- and about the otc drugs. jax is part of the roundtable panel discussion. the guy who called to extend the invitation invited bill AND me for the parents part, but i think bill was afraid that the half-day conference was nowhere near the time i'd use, so he accepted for him and jax only. i'm really excited for both of them. this is tremendously important - to both of them. to all of us. and i hope he kicks some round-peg educators' asses.

Posted by Stacey at May 3, 2004 06:08 PM