Me: How do you plead to the charge of Carrying a Concealed Weapon?
Guy in scratchy black-and-white-striped jumpsuit: If I plead guilty, can I just go home?
Me: You've been in jail for a week?
Guy: Yes, your Honor.
Me: Is this right? You live in Palmdale, California?
Guy: Yeah.
Me: Where were you headed when you were arrested?
Guy: Home.
Me: To Palmdale?
Guy: Uh-huh.
Me: You were walking on the road when you were stopped. Where were you going?
Guy: Home.
Me: You were walking to Palmdale, California?
Guy: No, sir. It's in the Mojave Desert. I can't walk there. My bike had a flat.
Me: Whoa. What? Your bike? You're riding your motorcycle there?
Guy: No, I ran out of money and got a flat. I was walking with my bike when they stopped me and saw the knife handle sticking out of my backpack. Then they arrested me.
Me: A bicycle?
Guy: Yeah, I got a flat.
Me: You were riding your bike to Palmdale?
Guy: Yes, but I got a flat.
Me: Where were you coming from, sir?
Guy: New York.
Me: New York City?
Guy: (nodding)
Me: How long did it take you to get from New York City to here?
Guy: Two days.
Me: What?
Guy: Two days, your Honor. Sorry.
Me: On your bicycle?
Guy: Greyhound bus, but I ran out of money.
Me: Oh, okay. I was just wondering why you weren't riding your bike in the Tour de France.
Guy: Because my bike has a flat.
Me: Sounds like that knife wasn't concealed. You need to plead "not guilty." I'll appoint you a lawyer because you ran out of money. You'll come back Thursday, and maybe your lawyer and the prosecutor will work something out so you can go home.
Guy: Detroit.
Me: What?
Guy: I can get a job in Detroit.
Me: You're not going anywhere while you're in jail.
Guy: And my bike has that flat tire.
Me: Good point. See you Thursday.
Guy: Okay.
I'm thinking maybe some mental health care might be in order for the man.
-d
Posted by: -d at July 14, 2004 12:45 AMI'll second d here.
Posted by: TW at July 14, 2004 11:14 AMHow many times did you bang your head on the wall after THAT conversation? While reading, I had unpleasant flashbacks to parent-teacher conferences that occured during my teaching career. It was the parents that drove me to seek a new career, not the children.
Posted by: moonandsun03 at July 14, 2004 12:44 PMIf I was riding a bicycle I would also have a knife....... actually, maybe I would have something like a tazer, plus mace, plus pepper spray, plus the knife..... so let the poor guy off so he can peddle home.
Posted by: Michelle at July 14, 2004 02:31 PMOh........ get the court to assign him his bus fare all the way home.
Posted by: Michelle at July 14, 2004 02:31 PMI am such a softy - I feel sorry for him. I have a feeling he won't harm a flea.
Posted by: Michelle at July 14, 2004 02:32 PMMe: Oh, okay. I was just wondering why you weren't riding your bike in the Tour de France.
Guy: Because my bike has a flat.
Oh god.
Me: You're not going anywhere while you're in jail.
Guy: And my bike has that flat tire.
How can you get through this stuff without cracking up?
Posted by: Keri at July 14, 2004 08:05 PMDid you take a course in college about how to keep a straight face in the courtroom?
Posted by: Philip at July 18, 2004 12:29 AM*shakes head*
Posted by: Trish at July 19, 2004 05:20 PM