Nothing But Love :: golf blogger

Physics: Black Holes and Beagles

I have often wondered how physicists and wacky scientists come up with these theories and things. You know, how the hell does anyone know that some meteorite that crashes through some poor slob's house in Leghorne, Texas comes from Mars? That's what I read once.

I finally figured out how Stephen Hawking came up with this new-fangled theory about black holes.

He has a beagle.

You see, the beagle is substantially similar to a black hole. How is that, you ask? Here's how it goes; and if you ask Professor Hawking about it, he'll give you the same answer.

If you leave ... say ... chicken parmesan in the styrofoam container from Olive Garden on the kitchen counter and turn your back to fill the beagle's dish with water, the beagle grabs the container off the counter and eats the leftovers. The beagle destroys all traces of the consumed matter. That's what happens when matter gets near a black hole. The matter is consumed by the black hole and all traces of the matter are destroyed. Nothing is left over. Just like the leftovers from Olive Garden. Gone.

Hawking has always held out the possibility that the matter which has disappeared into the black hole travels through that phenomenon of nature and comes out the other side. This is certainly the expected outcome in the case of the beagle eating the chicken parm from Olive Garden.

But being that black holes and beagles are nearly identical, such is not the case.

Dr. Hawking says that the consumed mass is returned, albeit in a mangled form, which contains the information about that stuff which entered the black hole, but in an unrecognizable state.

Well, that's not exactly true ... the mangled white pieces in the big chunk of stuff the beagle threw up ... I could tell that was chewed-up styrofoam.

Posted by Bill at July 21, 2004 11:55 PM