Nothing But Love :: golf blogger

I Survived Cafe Istanbul

There we were, staying at the 5-star Columbus Hilton at Easton outside of Columbus, Ohio. I called the concierge and asked for a recommendation on a restaurant. She suggested Cafe Istanbul, and I asked her to make reservations for ten, which she did. Cool. Heh-heh. Five-star hotel. Woo-hoo!

This Cafe Istanbul place is kind of a lot like Burger King ... it's got a lot of stuff on the menu where you can't like figure out what the "food" is made of. It is totally foreign, and I couldn't figure out what number the Turkish Taffy was in the dessert part of the menu. I was like okay with this food experience, you know, trying new things ... or old things made different ways.

The special was Swordfish Kebab ... Yeah, I could dig that. Swordfish is like one of my favorite sea foods. And I give that dish a real good review. It was delicate and tender... but, you know, it was like anything would have been pretty good after the appetizer.

Now, just to make sure, I looked it up. An appetizer is something that should be designed to "stimulate the appetite." You would think that it would be appetizing because that kind of sounds just like appetizer.

So, I wasn't far off, thinking that the appetizer should be ... umm ... appetizing and appetite-enhancing, instead of a fucking dinner killer.

Do not order the felafel at Cafe Istanbul; or if you happen to order it, do not eat it. Do not try to eat it. Just kind of like play table soccer and flick those fried balls across the restaurant with your finger.

I finally figured out this whole hatred-of-America thing by Middle Eastern people ... they gotta think that felafel is from America.

This fucking felafel was, without any doubt at all, the absolute worst thing I have ever eaten in my entire life. I mean, I accidentally ate a worm covered with dirt once ... well, you know how sometimes you get tricked into eating something that is so doggone fucking awful that you gag ... well, I fucking paid for this felafel. I would not give this stuff to my worst enemy ... It said something about "chick peas" in the translation in the menu ... and I really do not like chick peas, but I was willing to give this a try ... fuck ME! This was not made of the chick peas with which I'm familiar ... you know, the ones in the can ... let me drink that fucking liquid right from the can before you force me to eat felafel! Where is the FDA when you need it? Oh, yeah, that agency regulates FOOD, not felafel.

And I certainly don't mean any offense to those of you who might eat felafel for a living or enjoys likes might not gag every time when you choke it down with that yogurt sauce that doesn't help it taste like anything of this Earth.

By the way, I'm looking for someone to help me with a new project ... it's a new diet book ... I just need you to taste-test a few recipes ...

Posted by Bill at August 8, 2004 10:33 PM