I went into the grocery store last night to pick up a couple of things that turned into a few bags, but I didn't get any peaches. There was a huge display with peaches, all ready to roll down the inclined display table if the wrong one were pulled out. There was something wrong. The sign said: "READY-TO-EAT Fresh California Peaches."
Why were these particular peaches "ready-to-eat?" Are there peaches sold that are not "ready-to-eat?" I've never seen a sign that said that I should wait a few days to eat peaches ...
This morning I was driving all over north central Ohio, starting with an 8:15 a.m. hearing in a court 50 miles away. The judge complimented me on my yellow Patagonia courier bag. That was a good thing. Before that happened though, I was sitting in the jury room at a huge table with two other lawyers in the case. They were talking. I had entered some billing stuff into my Samsung Pocket PC and then was day-dreaming, waiting for the judge. There was some kind of plastic thing attached to the underside of the table. It was like a telephone jack or something, maybe even some kind of electrical outlet, by the feel of it.
So, I stuck my index and middle fingers into the two rectangular openings because that is what you do if you're curious about stuff like that. I think they were some kind of buttons, maybe to release the table top or something like that, even though it was a solid, old oak circular table about 10 feet in diameter.
All of a sudden, two huge deputy sheriffs, one male, one female, burst into the room with their nine millies drawn. "Is there a problem?"
"Huh? What?" I replied, shaken out of my daydream mode. The other two lawyers asked what was going on.
The female deputy said, "We got an emergency call. A panic button call from here. Anyone here push the panic buttons under the table?" she asked, looking directly at me.
Oops.
Posted by Bill at September 9, 2004 12:08 PMlmfao!
Posted by: matt at September 9, 2004 12:32 PMWell, if they don't tell you there's a panic button, wtf good does it do? You have to find these things out on your own, and then what good does that do you in a real emergency.
Seems to me like someone missed his chance to do a little ass-chewing.
Posted by: lucy at September 9, 2004 01:08 PMOh my, that was a good laugh. Thanks I needed that.
Posted by: Jeff A at September 9, 2004 01:49 PMgood going counsellor. I'm just glad you didn't complete the circuit on some 220 wires. But as for the peaches, yeah, I've seen a sign saying "dont' eat these yet" - it looks like a giant pyramid of pale green peaches, each one harder and less fragrant than the last, with all the little fruitflies buzzing around elsewhere.
Oh and then there was the sign up in front of Herb's house, but that's too obvious.
Posted by: dan at September 9, 2004 03:51 PMOMG!!!!!
Don't DO that to me in this quiet house in the middle of the night! You made my damn devil dog - spawn of satan - BARK for crying out loud! LMAO - out LOUD! I am SO GLAD you didn't frickin' electrocute yourself because that's exactly where I THOUGHT this story was going (dan did too, I gather) and so this took me totally by surprise which made me laugh even harder and the dog wants to know exactly WHAT is going on.
Posted by: Keri at September 9, 2004 11:50 PMOMFG...that is hysterical and I really liked Lucy's comment.
BTW...don't you know not to fuck with things that look like they might be electrified?!?!?! I thought you learned your lesson when you got zapped poolside.
Oh, and there was one part of this post that made me shout YIPPEE which stunned my dog so I know exactly what poor Keri experienced with her dog.
You need to put warnings on these posts.
Posted by: Kathy Howe at September 10, 2004 09:25 PMI was sure it was going to finish with electrocution too. You must be the oldest child I know.
Posted by: Anji at September 11, 2004 03:28 AM