There is this one thing in life that I have been afraid to try. It's like I'm in a comfort zone and don't really want to take the risk. It might not turn out the way I envisioned ... I guess that's where the fear comes in. But as some famous dead guy, Jimmy Piersall, I think, said, "There is nothing to fear but fear itself." Wait, he said, "Fear strikes out." Whatever.
Let's say I've thought about this for a while, but haven't taken any steps toward bringing it to a fruition. Today, well, today was the day that I decided to cast caution to the wind.
I went through a fucking pound of red seedless grapes and couldn't catch one in my mouth. I opened the sunroof of the white VW Beetle with a black "The Who" sticker on the rear bumper, and while driving (Please, do not attempt this unless you are a professional driver on a closed course.), threw a grape out the sunroof ahead of the car, and tried to catch it in my mouth as it came back through the sunroof.
I don't pretend to know much about fluid mechanics, aerodynamics, and good, old, general physics, but the grapes curve depending upon what kind of spin I put on them ... or whether I put no spin at all on them, kind of like a knuckleball in American baseball, or whether I put them in my mouth first to wet them.
And then there's the speed at which I would throw them out the window and the speed I had the Beetle traveling. Fifty was way too fast and I'd lose them over the top; 25 was way too slow because they'd just crash to the road ahead of the Beetle. At about 42-to-44 MPH (or like 67-to-70 KmH for my Canadian and other metric friends), I was able to fire a couple of them out in front and they'd end up plunking into the seat beside me, except that I caught one of them in my right hand, snatched right out of the air.
Then there was one of them that I thought I had a chance at, but then there must have been a cross-wind or a double yellow line or something because it curved and I would have to swerve left ... I would have had it, I bet, but there was an oncoming SUT, a Cadillac, I think, with a woman driver ... I know it was a woman, you know the type, probably sells real estate, because the grape hit the windshield right where her head was ... bitch got right in my way.
Posted by Bill at September 21, 2004 11:57 PMI've never seen the show, but was this one of those jackass stunts or something? :)
Posted by: Keri at September 22, 2004 09:11 AMYou've missed the obvious. You should have been using white grapes. I'm pretty sure that's what professional grape tossers us.
Posted by: philip at September 22, 2004 09:56 AMdude - use a fucking WATERMELON. You'll be able to catch that one when it lands on your face. And thank god the roads you're making unsafe are out in Cleveland. Hey, you know the song "Funky Poodle," by the Wild Horses, you party animal?
Posted by: dan at September 22, 2004 01:08 PMOh, the things we do to amuse ourselves....
I read this after I read your dark matter post and couldn't help but notice the connection: you, sir, are a closet science geek. Experimenting with grapes in a car is probably somewhat safer than your "experiencements" with electricity, maybe; can't you find something to play with that has a minimal risk of killing you- or an innocent bystand/driver- off?
Inquiring minds, ya know...
Posted by: lucy at September 22, 2004 09:58 PMIf we see white VW Beetle with a black "The Who" sticker on the rear bumper and purple grape stains we'll know it's you.
Posted by: Anji at September 23, 2004 09:32 AM