The public is clamoring to know the results of the voting in the 29th Annual International Peeps Haiku Competition. Unfortunately, I mailed the 2,654 sealed ballots to Arthur Andersen, figuring the firm would be looking for a new business opportunity, especially from a world-recognized competition as prestigious as this one. When I called the phone number listed on the webpage to get the tabulation, I was very surprised to talk to Abner. It seems Abner is the janitor custodian at the vacant office trustee and that Arthur Andersen isn't taking in new clients.
I don't understand why Princeton still sends students to intern there.
Anyway, I had to then call each of the 2,654 judges, the vast majority of whom are from countries other than the U. S., since the contest is international in scope and character, and tally their votes by hand. And that turned into a real mess because none of these foreign languages sounds much like English; so, being the dumb shit that I am, I couldn't understand much about what anyone was talking about. So, I was kind of left to my own devices in judging.
If Peeps are not mentioned, that's like totally the kiss of death. But then I thought that I'm not getting paid by the Peeps company. You'd think that after holding this competition for 28 years, the fuckers would send a couple boxes of Peeps for prizes. No.
So, I say, fuck 'em.
This is always a difficult decision, not made any easier by the arrival in the mail today of a headless Peeps chick postmarked Chicago; but, nevertheless, the following entrants of this year's contest have been awarded prize packages in no particular order because of the confusion engendered by the vote-counting debacle:
Suzette was the most prolific, and she has been awarded the Irving Berlin Award.
Thank you all for your efforts.
Posted by Bill at March 18, 2005 11:16 AM"I’m dreaming of a Peeps contest
Just like the one I won before.
Where the rules are rotten
And votes forgotten
And writing haiku is the chore.
I'm dreaming of a peeps contest.
With every haiku that I write.
May all your ballots not delete
And may all your Peepseses be sweet."
Please stop mentioning my name. I can't stop myself from doing this sort of thing; I need you to stop it for me.
Posted by: Suzette at March 18, 2005 12:45 PMTo Peeps or not to?
Another question of mine
You answered for me.
You are brief and sweet and blue-
Little peeps, I love you.
You are Heaven's masterpieces-
Thank God this competition ceases.
....with apologies to Dorothy Parker...
Posted by: lucy at March 18, 2005 02:30 PMIs it too late to disclose the fact that I've never eaten a Peep in my life?
Posted by: Elle at March 18, 2005 07:18 PMI tried once Elle. You haven't missed a thing. Oh wait. Puking maybe.
Posted by: Keri at March 18, 2005 10:22 PMI work about 5 mintues from the Peeo place in Bethlehem Pa. Did u know that they have a complete line of Peeps merchandise this season?? Shirts, stuffed peeps etc. I copped a few of the stuffed peeps at a local stopnrob. CUte.
Posted by: tina at March 21, 2005 05:00 AM