Nothing But Love :: golf blogger

THUNDER ROAD

Thursday, February 27, 2003:
My Thoughts That Come From Listening To Music
If you haven't noticed from my occasional "Song Of The Day" posting, music is a huge part of my life. Music heals the spirit. It helps you get out of holes. It cheers you up. It's like having one of those amazing conversations with a close one. Music of substance gives me one of those chills down my spine that no amount of L.S.D. can replicate. It is an amazing thing. Music of substance: Zeppelin, Hendrix, Springsteen, Tommy Bolin, and Stevie Ray Vaughan. Chills down the spine, baby. I love listening to S.R.V. and feeling like I just stepped into a wind tunnel. When I hear the "Boss," I feel like exploding with positive energy. He truly did save Rock 'n' Roll. Stairway to Heaven makes me think of my late Grandma M.A. I remember when I first heard that song, I put it on repeat and prayed for my Grandma to be saved. Indeed, she was. She is in Heaven right now. Looking down on my family. Loving us. Hugging us. Never letting go. Music helps me get in touch with my heart, soul, and spirituality. It is a wonderful thing. Just pop on Bruce Springsteen's Thunder Road while driving down an empty highway. It creates a friend out of thin air. I can't tell you how many times a good song has saved me from going into the store and getting some robitussin. This whole rant came into my mind as I was driving home tonight from a meeting. I was alone until I turned on the radio. Just listen to S.R.V.'s version of Little Wing with your eyes closed. Music is my true love. It is what I want to do for the rest of my life. It would be a true gift from God if I could play guitar to the world for the rest of my life. Love music. Hear music. Cherish music. Never let those last few notes go. Keep them in your head and in your dreams.
Jackson // 11:03 PM

i am so tired. the last four days feel like twenty. bill’s exhausted, too. he’s sound asleep. god, i know he needs a good rest. matty’s on the road back to columbus after jumping in his car to head here yesterday around noon. i can’t imagine how he’s feeling. i came out here to write because i couldn’t sleep, because i didn’t want to wake up bill with my sniffling, and because i couldn’t stop thinking about everything in general, and trying to remember jax’s words about “thunder road” specifically.

i found them.

we sat in the car this morning (this afternoon?) so jax could have one more cigarette and listen to one more song. it was “thunder road.” i hid my weeping (i hope) from bill and jax in the back seat, but matty saw and was applying pressure with his elbow against my arm, silently telling me to try to hold it together for just a little while longer. i did the best i could.

when i had my first child (matt), i was shocked at what i felt. felt like my chest had a cinderblock pressing on it all the time. when i let myself think about how much i loved this kid, i could barely breathe.

i wanted another child so much, and i felt we wouldn’t be a “complete” family without just one more. two miscarriages, and then we decided to try just one more pregnancy. we decided that if this last one didn’t “stick,” we’d stop. it was fate. whatever.

jackson “stuck.” and then i worried the whole pregnancy that it would be so hard for this next child to find his or her own place in this tight, little, perfect, little family. god just couldn’t please me, i guess.

then another cinder block on my heart. holy shit. this was unbelievable. scary as hell cuz when you feel this much, have this much, you have SO MUCH TO LOSE.

hug your kids like fricking crazy. say a prayer for them, and say a prayer for jackson.

Posted by Stacey at April 5, 2006 08:05 PM