Nothing But Love :: golf blogger

Disappearance of Bees Solved!

After an initial flurry of news stories, I haven't heard much about the disappearance of honey bees, which pollinate about 30% of the fruits, vegetables, etc., that we eat and the alfalfa and clover that cows and other sources of food and milk eat. The bees simply disappeared. There were no dead bodies in the hives. The bees disappeared.

There is an explanation. Just to squelch the rumor that has been spreading, President Bush, strapped for cash to fund the war effort, did not sell the bees to aliens, who then took the bees on their space ships back to their home planet to save their own civilization. That is totally not true. I made it up.

The Rapture. Way back before VW's had air conditioners, I read a book by some guy named Hal Lindsay that scared the bejeebers out of me, talking about Armageddon being right around the corner and people just disappearing, being taken right up to see the Creator. Kids with overactive imaginations should not read books like that. I thought, when I got it, that it was science fiction, like Arthur C. Clarke-ish; but I was wrong.

Now, the Bees have disappeared. Not all of them, mind you, because among the remaining Bees is the incarnation of the Second Coming. The Rapture.

Absurd, you say? The writer has finally lost his marbles, you say? [Sorry, I found them. Most of them ... well, enough of them. Maybe.]

The Ultra-christians (this word brings to mind Raquel Welch, circa 1969) and Bible-maniacs should not be so Aristotelian ... the Bible may be the Word of their God, but it has been transcribed by human beings, most of whom couldn't take shorthand; so there is little doubt that some mistakes have been made. There are those who state that "[t]here will be great earthquakes, famines and pestilences in various places, and fearful events and great signs from heaven;" and that the disappearance of the Bees is part of that grand godly plan.

In Paul's First Letter to the Thessalonians (4: 15 - 17), he points out, [t]hen we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up in the clouds together with them to meet the Lord in the air; and so we will be with the Lord for ever. Who is the "we," of which Paul speaks.

Bees. He really wrote about "Bees." Maybe his handwriting was bad. Perhaps the translation was bad. It could be that somebody, along the way, said, "It's Greek to me," and changed it to "we."

Bees, after all, have a hierarchical society. Bees take care of their own. Bees communicate with scent, sound, and motion. Bees build marvels of engineering that are copied by humans. Bees make their own food and share. The nurse bees make royal jelly, the food of the gods. Bees are benevolent creatures, flitting from flower to flower, doing their naturely jobs, minding their hives, stinging only when stepped on by a careless golfer.

Bees do not use automatic weapons or even semi-automatic weapons or other weapons of mass destruction.

Bees. The Rapture. Mystery solved.

Posted by Bill at March 22, 2007 04:13 PM