Nothing But Love :: golf blogger

TITLE

i'll try to focus on only a few things here -- it's been so long -- AGAIN -- since i posted; and i don't want this to be a christmas newsletter.

mea culpa on the not-posting thing. i'm crazy busy on a really big, big project -- one that will keep me pretty much hog-tied for at least the next couple of years. very big -- extremely rewarding. when we're past a big part of this first planning and organizing stage, i'll let you in on it. i don't think i'm done with this blogging thing, just even more sporadic (if you can imagine such a thing).

jax doing great, matt and mel fab.

the scooter thing: ok. i will identify scooters by their color and cc, k?

first, bill purchased a NEON green 50cc a couple years ago. it hasn't been running. we made a big push at beginning of summer to get parts and the service necessary to get it on the road. in the meantime, bill purchased me a red 150(!)cc for my birthday. scared the crap out of me it did. too heavy, too fast. and definitely NOT the orange color i requested. NEON green 50cc STILL waiting for parts.

so i told bill to ride the big, fast red 150cc, and i'd take the NEON green 50cc when it was fixed. i knew i could handle a 50cc -- i'd ridden one before.

i insisted we get the motorcycle learner's permits and helmets before we sat on a bike again so we headed to bmv to get the packets and take the written test. bill passed. i didn't. go ahead -- laugh. i'd prefer you didn't, but how would i find out? besides, i live with BILL. you think i haven't heard it before?

i finally figured out that one of my problems with the test -- for me -- AND ONE OF THE GREATEST DELIGHTS OF BILL'S LIFE (when i spoke to him about this issue, he took out a pen and paper and wrote down word for word my rant on this, just to stop his LAUGHING) is the fact that "they" call the handle accelerator a "throttle." now this might just seem like a duh moment to you, but i'm not an engine person. especially not a motorcycle engine. so i had no fricking clue what they were talking about. i mean -- this is a MOTORCYCLE test, and they got me all flustered with talk of gears and clutches (i KNOW THAT SOME CARS HAVE GEARS AND CLUTCHES, AND I EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE THEM), but i knew my scooter didn't have gears and clutches, so... and then "they" ask me about what to do with the throttle in such and such situations. i throw my hands up in the air -- "WTF??? MOTORCYCLES HAVE GEARS, CLUTCHES, HAND BRAKES, THE ACCELERATOR THINGY -- AND A THROTTLE?????" HOW MANY HANDS DO THEY THINK I HAVE? AND HOW DO I KNOW WHAT A THROTTLE DOES???" you can imagine bill's reaction; and if you don't get it either, i love you. really, i love you.

in the meantime, the NEON green 50cc guy told us that he just could not get the parts -- junk the bitch, he said. so we did. and then he sold us a beautiful silver 150cc (bigger tires for stability). so we finally have 2 scooters.

so bill taught me about the throttle -- he said, "the throttle IS the accelerator thingy." after he clued me in, i took the test and kicked its ass. it was revenge time, baby. and you'll get yours too, bill. just wait.

then i picked up my new donald-duck-bill helmet, ready to roll, i was.

bedecked in my helmet, i got on the scooter and proceeded to scare myself shitless. i drove around and around in our building parking garage for over an hour until i had a panic moment in a turn and stopped the bike -- and me, thank god -- right up against a huge beam in the garage. threw my RIGHT arm and wrist into the mother fucker. it was either that or "lay the bike down." that's what we bikers say. it means fall the fuck down. i'm not hurt. not really. just black and blue. and humbled. i stood there for about a half hour crying like a little girl (cuz that's what i do) while bill's telling me how great i did (pfffft). i'm getting a 50cc cute little italian thing and i'm gonna chop that bitch (it seems like i should put a preposition at the end there like "up" or "out"?). once again, for you non-bikers it means, "make it all pretty." or maybe not. now i'm not sure.

here's what i'm thinking. from "pride of cleveland scooters" website.

see the white walls? that bitch is CHOPPED. i also have my eyes on a cute little wicker basket for the front.

but don't worry about me. i can handle a 50cc like a pro. and i'm not getting a pussy TWO-STROKE -- I'M GOING FOR THE GOLD -- THE FOUR-STROKE, BABY. if they make a 4-stroke 50CC. don't ask me what that means -- ask bill. i just know the lingo. he's the detail guy.

if you want to see a picture of me in my helmet, leave a comment; and IF I TRUST YOU (and you send back the signed and notarized non-disclosure agreement) i'll e-mail it to you. fine. whatever. here it is.

View image

Posted by Stacey at October 4, 2007 03:37 PM