Nothing But Love :: golf blogger

The Annual Golf Post

I haven't checked the stat counter lately, but I'm under the impression that millions of internet users arrive at this site daily because they think this site has something to do with GOLF.

And it does. I have always offered golf instruction free of charge to anyone not living in the vicinity. I will need two first-class plane tickets to the international airport closest to your area and lodging at a hotel of my choice for the length of my stay. Of course, if I don't feel like showing up, I won't. No refunds.

Golf lessons. That's what most weekend golfers really need, along with practice, but weekend golfers spend hundreds of trillions of dollars each year on golf clubs, specifically, drivers, thinking that they can improve their golf games. For instance, I played with a guy who had a TaylorMade r7 CGB Max Limited Driver in his bag. He probably carried several handguns in his huge pro-style, multi-hued golf bag, also, because that one golf club costs $1200 (Of course, you could probably get it for $1,000 if you looked around on the internet for some real deals). When he hit the golf ball with that club, he told the ball where to go. He yelled, "Go, Go!" and "Draw, baby, draw! -- NO!! DRAW!!" and things like that. He was annoying, to be sure.

There must have been some kind of ... high-tech mind control thingy in the club. He probably hadn't read the instructions or practiced enough to master the principle of mind control. He might have been better off with the $700 Daiwa On-Off Driver, which sounds to me like there is an on-off switch that turns it into a super-driver whenever you really need it. I don't know much about the club, but I think that Daiwa makes fishing poles. There's a big difference between fishing and golf, although a lot of golfers end up fishing golf balls out of lakes.

The real technological advances in golfdom have nothing to do with drivers. Remember the wooden golf tee? Unbeknownst to many, they are the bane of every golfer who uses them.

Golf tees have gone high tech. You can get slanting cylinder tees that improve your distance, tees for bad backs that improve your distance and your health, tees with measurements to make sure the tee is the right height to improve your distance, 4-inch-long tees, which O.J. Simpson uses in case he wants to kill someone while playing golf, weird, frictionless, perpetual motion tees to improve your distance, Rocket tees that improve your distance, golf tees with rotatable heads to improve your distance, annulus golf tees with removable penetration cones that improve your distance and can be used for prostate and other invasive exams, and tees with springs.

Golfers will buy anything.

Posted by Bill at April 27, 2008 09:48 AM