crosby, stills, nash, and young: "teach your children well"
You who are on the road
Must have a code that you can live by
And so become yourself
Because the past is just a good bye.
Teach your children well,
Their father's hell did slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picked, the one you'll know by.
Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you would cry,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.
And you, of tender years,
Can't know the fears that your elders grew by,
And so please help them with your youth,
They seek the truth before they can die.
Teach your parents well,
Their children's hell will slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picked, the one you'll know by.
Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you would cry,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.
ever since i gave birth to my first child, i have not been able to hear this song without tears coming to my eyes. now that my "children" are adults, i can barely hold myself together when this song comes on the radio/ipod/computer.
by now, i have learned that it's definitely much easier on your kids to leave the nest than it is for the parents to let go. it hits you in the gut over and over again. you think you're past it, and then -- BLAM! there's that sucker punch again.
don't misunderstand me -- i do not mourn the gone-forever childhood of my "babies." i have ALWAYS looked to the future and do not lament the fact that they are not MINE anymore. i feel good about the kind of parents we've been to children and to the adults they are now.
but it IS strange to find yourself feeling that same i-can-barely-breathe thing that you felt when your 12-year-old went to the movies with a bunch of friends (AND GIRLS!) without an adult around.
seriously, when is this going to stop? i'm starting to think that the best answer is "NEVER." and i am giving serious consideration to the possibility that i should just relax and even look forward to many more of these moments. i'm gonna work on that.
my lastest "oof!" moment was very recently. my oldest, matt, very soon dr. matt (thank you very much) is job hunting. he's looking for a college teaching position. matt is 28 this year and will be married 6 years (!) this august. he is finishing up his phD this spring. he's been on his own for quite a while now OBVIOUSLY. and we've really enjoyed watching this young man and his wife design and live their own life together. a couple weeks ago, he interviewed at a college in our area. he spent a day and a half meeting with faculty members, being interviewed, and teaching a class and being observed. before he checked out of his hotel the morning after, the dean called and offered him the job. and because bill and i think very highly of this young man, bill and i weren't surprised. we were delighted. no "ooof!" there. the "ooof!" came the next morning when he called to tell us that he turned down the job! he didn't feel like it would be a good fit. i knew right away that my reaction was not because he turned down a job close to us. i was and am ready for the fact that he and mel probably won't be living close. i really never expected them to be living in our area.
really.
what has taken my breath away is that i am so in awe of him. not just proud of my child. in. awe. of this young man. in awe. he's going after his dream! fearlessly! he's so much more than my son. i have to say that again: he's so much more than my son. i can barely breathe as i'm typing this.
when matt was born, i had this same kind of feeling. the memory is so clear to me. i expected a "baby." we were so excited to be having our first child and were absolutely ready. but when he was born, i felt the room fill up with this person. the whole WORLD. i was shocked. no really. shocked. the doctor asked me if i was ok. the nurse joked that i "was in shock." dr. weinberg told her to please never use that clinical term in this kind of situation ever again.
ok. you may be saying "duh!" to all of this. i know *i* felt that i always knew this. but i didn't. and you might not really know it either. just be ready for it. and enjoy the hell out of it.
tomorrow matt heads to new york to interview with a very cool school. he'll be back wednesday morning but leaves thursday for philadelphia for another school.
next!
Posted by Stacey at February 14, 2009 08:29 PM