Nothing But Love :: golf blogger

After 36 Years, Secret Life Revealed

I have been married for 36 years. I never knew about my wife's secret life.

I tell you, it's like waking up, and my entire life has been a dream. How could I not know about this.

I really don't think she was expecting me to be back from walking the dogs so soon. Sunday early evening is usually a time when I take the dogs for a real long walk. And today, with the 75 degree weather, it should have been no exception. But Scout didn't feel like going out. And on the walk, the other two made a bee-line home after doing their business.

Maybe they had a dog feeling.

I walked in the door. Judge Alex was on the flat screen, DVR'ed; and he had made his decision. My purported wife was seated in her comfy leather chair, feet up on the ottoman, clicker in hand (Yes, clicker. You call it a "remote control," and you're wrong. It's a clicker).

She called up the menu. And I was struck by the little orange circle with the black "R" in the center of it -- the "Record" sign.

BULL RIDING.

Bull riding? She's recording BULL RIDING? What the fuck?

Then she pointed the clicker, and a guy riding a bucking bull appeared on the flat screen. She, this stranger, said, "That's the top bull." "Uhh, what?" I asked. Yes, I heard what she said; but it made little sense in the dimension I had just entered.

I'm the one who is supposed to be fucking crazy, not her.

"They rank the bulls. This is the toughest bull to ride. Watch this," she said. Was she trying to suppress excitement in her voice? "Watch," she commanded.

The bull rider was pushing real hard, folding his hand down or something. Dare I ask her what the rider was doing? I mean, did I want to know that she knew all about bull riding? The gate opened. The bull threw the hockey-helmeted rider, chaps flying, off in a couple seconds.

The "score" was 45.3. "Wow," I said, not so much because of what happened on the flat screen, and mostly about what was happening in my life.

"A really good score is 90. That score won't move him up at all. Watch this bull; look at the diameter of the horns!" she marveled. She leaned forward, studying the flat screen, waiting for the drama to unfold.

I am frightened. I live with a stranger.

What should I do? I will not sleep tonight.

She's continuing to watch BULL RIDING, fast forwarding through the commercials, returning to the action at the moment it starts. "See how good I am fast forwarding through the commercials?" she is asking.

While she watches, I'm searching for the Twilight Zone episode. Yes, that is what I will do. See what Richard Long did in "Person or Persons Unknown." Twilight Zone always provides answers to life's complicated questions of reality.

Maybe the ending will reveal the answer ... errrr ... no, I guess not.

Posted by Bill at October 24, 2010 07:39 PM