Nothing But Love :: golf blogger

Secret Blog Post

There is something strange going on around here. She has been complaining about "allergies" lately. I really have no idea what that is about, since the pollen count is zero this time of year. It could be air pollution. I really have no idea.

She has gone on a bender -- I guess that would be the word -- buying many hands-free soap dispensers for the kitchen and the bathrooms. But then there was the complaint, "It's not foaming. I want foaming soap." Foaming soap. She spent hours searching the internet.

Before I go on, our place has been on the neighborhood holiday tour, on our building's website, in other downtown living ads. Our place is pretty cool with a great view. I don't mean to brag about it -- it's just that you need a little background.

The package, the huge fucking package, arrived by FedEx. As I said, there is something strange going on around here because, in a shocking display of tastelessness totally inconsistent with her reputation as a decorator, she bought a new foam soap dispenser:

And, yes, that is affixed to the mirror in the master bathroom. Two days later, a large box arrived -- extra soap for the dispenser, which, if I calculated correctly, will be enough soap, considering above average usage because she is always using the stuff -- and she laughs like Betty Rubble every time she uses it -- for the next six years.

You are saying, "What's the big deal?"

But I am saying that every time someone visits, she says, laughing like Betty Rubble, "Show [insert name here] our addition to the bathroom."

Invariably, the visitor says, "I've seen one of those in the restroom at my office building," or something like that. One person had the nerve to say, "Looks like a Wal-Mart bathroom."

What's next? One of those fucking hand dryers -- the XLERATOR?

What's the problem with that? Well, you're laughing. I'm not. That means this situation is not normal. Like I said, there is something strange going on around here.

I would like to remove the butt-ugly monstrosity. Industrial look, my ass. But that is a definite problem. That would cause serious repercussions -- repercussions is a cool word, but, more accurate, would be "concussion."

So, I am between a rock and a fucking GoJo foam soap dispenser. If you have suggestions -- I have some thoughts about how to handle the situation -- please feel free to leave a comment or e-mail me.

Thank you.

Posted by Bill at November 22, 2010 10:49 AM