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Casket Fever

I was somewhat surprised today to receive the following e-mail:

From: Nunnery Rentz
Subject: ORDER
Date: January 20, 2011 11:59:00 AM EST

Hello Good Day
                                My Name is Nunnery Rentz and I will like to know whether you carry ( Caskets) in stock for sale. If yes, email me back each size and with the prices of (1) attached to it so that i will let you know the size and quantity i  will be ordering. I want to know if you do accept credit card as the method of payment.

Nunnery Rentz
Best Regards
___________________________

To follow up, I forwarded Nunnery Rentz the following e-mail:

To: Nunnery Rentz
Subject: ORDER
Date: January 20, 2011 7:59:00 PM EST

Hello and Good Evening to you Nunnery Rentz,

I received your e-mail in which you express the desire to purchase caskets. I like that little (Caskets) thing you did, but it should really be (Dead Body). I crack my shit up sometimes.

Sorry for that little joke, but I have to get what little humor I can come by in this business. I am sure that you can understand since it seems that you are looking to place a bulk order.

I presently have 7,627 7,626 (caskets) in stock of various sizes for whatever (Dead Body) needs you may have. I can appreciate that you have kept the (Dead Body)'s refrigerated appropriately and are incurring great cost therefor; and I am, therefore, ready, willing, and able to deliver my entire stock to you for the amount of US$22,878,000 FOB Cleveland, less a 10% bulk purchase discount and additional 3% new buyer discount, which will be a final cost to you, as a very special beloved favored customer, of US$19,942,494 FOB Cleveland.

While I do not accept credit cards as a form of payment because of the great incidence of identity theft by those who traffic in (Dead Body)'s, I will accept, as a special favor to you, a check in certified US funds drawn on a bank chartered in the State of Ohio, USA. Upon receiving your check and when it has cleared banking channels, I will ship your (caskets) according to the instructions you give me by return e-mail.

In the alternative, and to expedite your order, Nunnery Rentz, you may wire transfer funds directly to my account with Cayman National Bank Ltd, which is located on Buckingham Square, Grand Cayman. Call Riza at 345.949.4655 and give her the pass phrase "Caskets R Us" and secret code number 78965765764-4-6. She will enable the transfer; whereupon, the (caskets) will be shipped to your port of call. If you pay by wire transfer, we will enclose with your shipment a Starbucks card loaded to the amount of US$200,000 and registered in the name of Nunnery Rentz, together with six cases of Aqua Velva aftershave.

Please confirm by return e-mail your shipping information and acknowledgment that you have transferred the funds.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Billy

Posted by Bill at January 20, 2011 10:20 PM