Sometimes, you have to wonder about what is going on in the world. Obviously, the educational system is turning out a lot more morons than it used to. Biology was a required course. We cut open little frogs that we first killed or rendered unconscious with chloroform, which has been categorized as a likely carcinogenic substance by the Agency for Toxic Substances and Disease Registry. Schools probably don't allow its use anymore in the Biology lab. Schools probably don't allow frogs in the Biology lab anymore because they have been known to spread e. coli, especially when 16-year-old Biology students lick them excessively, as 16-year-olds are wont to do nowadays.
We also did experiments on goldfish. Okay, yes, I admit it! I was the one who put the Congo red stain in the goldfish tank; so, you can finally stop that investigation. You know who you are. Nobody cares any more. Please. No more e-mails about it.
The goldfish did not turn red, by the way. And Congo red stain is carcinogenic, also; so, bright, inquisitive, near genius level Biology students no longer have it at their disposal to do actual experiments, unless they buy it and bring it into class and do the mad experimentation on unsuspecting species.
And no matter what we did to goldfish, electric shock, freeze-them-thaw-them-shock-them-to-bring-them-back-to-life (didn't work), seeing if they could breathe out of water by extending the period of time out of water each time (no, they died), they never squawked. Not a peep out of them -- almost Easter and official Peep season, by the way.
The goldfish were not like that goldfish on American Dad, the one that talks.
BUT AMERICAN DAD IS A FUCKING CARTOON!!!
Why do I point this out? That could be the only reason, logical or illogical, that a 16-year-old could think that he should kill the three goldfish during a burglary so as not to leave any witnesses.
I know, right?
Posted by Bill at March 4, 2011 02:58 PM