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Saturday, December 21, 2002 Hey, Trent Lott! What Kind of Deal Did You Cut? I was intending to write about Trent Lott stepping down as Senate Majority Leader, which is good news; and I was going to ask, "But at what price?" As a part of that rant about Trent Lott, I would have said that it is a foregone conclusion in my book that Judge Charles Pickering, one of Lott's favorite jurists, will come before the Republican-controlled Senate Judiciary Committee yet again for confirmation of his appointment to the U.S. Court of Appeals, and that I am sure that part of Lott's deal was that Pickering would get through the committee for a vote of the full Republican-controlled Senate. I would have written that Pickering has been rejected before by the committee because of his Lott-like attitude toward civil rights, Pickering having presided over a cross-burning case several years ago in which two defendants admitted they were guilty and the third went to trial and was convicted and that even though the jury verdict of guilty required the judge to give the guy a mandatory prison term under federal law, Pickering tried to convince the U.S. Attorney to agree to a new trial for the guy in spite of the fact that the guy never asked for a new trial, which clearly was improper and gives us an idea that Pickering thought the penalty imposed by our elected officials was harsh for just a cross-burning case. I would have pointed out that Pickering has said that EEO cases brought in federal court by private individuals do not have merit because the EEOC has refused to bring the case, effectively pre-judging every case against persons who believe strongly enough that they were discriminated against to bring suit. But I decided to write about something else. We went to lunch today at TGI Friday's because we couldn't get in to the new IHOP and the wait was 25 minutes at Perkins (The wife wanted breakfast at 11:30). We had a great time at Friday's and the fact that our waiter had probably smoked a couple of doobs before work and was absolutely wasted just added to the fun and frivolity. Of course, I doubt that Josh old boy had any idea that we were having so much fun on his account. I just know he'd do for TGI Friday's what Ellen Feiss did for Apple. And tonight is the annual "Sisters' Christmas," which my wife invented about five or six years ago so that she and her sisters can get together to celebrate Christmas, since they never get to do it on Christmas because they're now grown-ups doing their own thing with their own families. It will be a nice affair with a menu of veal cutlets, lobster risotto, antipasto tray, and chocolate chip cheesecake as some of the choices. Aaaaah, food. Friday, December 20, 2002 Mail order and the Internet While many in need of medication are going to Canada to get it for a cheaper price, others can order their drugs on-line and have them delivered. A two-gram package of marijuana, medical-grade of course, sells for C$30 (US$19) while Internet surfers can order a 10 gram shipment for C$120. And I know some of you are traveling abroad. You won't be able to get your daily load of crap from neo-Nazi Internet websites if you are in Germany. And speaking of neo-Nazi crap, eBay has filed suit against a guy in Schenectady who operates eBaytoo -- why the guy thought he wouldn't get sued is beyond the comprehension of most people with a little common sense and some small amount of intelligence, but anyone who sells Nazi memorabilia and Ku Klux Klan items has neither. I don't understand this one, though. Connect 2 Internet Networks collected millions from the feds to provide Internet access to inner-city schools. Connect 2 misrepresented to the government that schools were paying their share of the costs, which means that the schools were not paying their share of the costs. So, Connect 2 charged the feds a little more (without protest) and charged the economically disadvantaged schools less than they should have been paying or nothing at all. Robin Hood is a hero -- how about John Angelides? Arachnophobia II James Borland, no relation to the software guy, adopted a spider. He trained the little arachnid to make a new web every night. One day, little spidey was gone -- and Borland said that either Lemuel Ware or Corey Andrews were guilty of stealing his pet spider, which many thought was a brown recluse spider. Of course, Mr. Andrews, who beat a person senseless before, and Mr. Ware, who had a history of pulling the driver out of a car and stealing the car, were upset by these unfounded accusations. Mr. Borland is now in the hospital, getting his drugs legally, recuperating from brain surgery. Cassaundra Estelle Montgomery, of Kansas City, Missouri, where brown recluse spiders are abundant, should take some classes in training spiders because she will have a lot of time to care for pet spiders if she is convicted of de-frauding disaster relief organizations of about $64,000 in a 10-count indictment. One of the allegations is that she bought a PT Cruiser, finally a crime somewhere. She claimed that her brother died in the World Trade Center attack. The good news is that he was taken off the list of September 11th victims; the bad news is that Cassaundra, much as she wanted one, never had a brother. And Teresa Millbrandt's 7-year-old daughter does not have cancer. Teresa shaved her daughter's head and fed her sleeping pills to feign chemotherapy, took the girl to counseling to prepare for death, put up fliers seeking donations, picked up $2,200 from a church and $1,000 from two charities to assist her needy child. Once Teresa gets out of the looney bin, the police will charge her. Cincinnati, ever reactionary, banned holiday displays by private groups on Fountain Square, claiming the city needed the space for a temporary ice rink and its own Christmas trees. The Supreme Court ruled that Cicinnati had overstepped its authority and had to permit private groups to erect holiday displays. Cincinnati has tried this stunt before -- didn't work. I am not a Survivor TV series watcher, but the winner was some dude named Brian Heidik, who was not afraid of spiders. It turns out that Brian is not an unknown, but has had some exposure in the motion picture industry. Wednesday, December 18, 2002 Pet Peeve #2 and Arachnophobia I was the judge today in the local court, again. There was a guy there whose case was set for trial, but he decided to plead guilty to a charge. I don't recall what it was that he plead guilty to, but it would not have been a good day for him if he had gone to trial. The other major pet peeve I have about drivers, #1 on the hit parade being the handicap parking issue, is the driver who stomps on the gas when the light changes to green and makes a quick left turn in front of everyone coming the other way. We learned in drivers' education, way back before the turn of the century, that you just don't do that. Yielding the right-of-way to oncoming traffic is the legal and polite thing to do; otherwise, accidents will occur. This guy was lucky -- it would have been easy to find an element of recklessness in his driving and suspend his license. But we didn't get that far. I did give him a hefty fine. The brown recluse spider has been long feared by the public across the country for its deadly bite. The brown recluse, with the tell-tale fiddle shape on its back, will bite and kill if disturbed while in its generally-shady hiding place. It is, therefore, very dangerous to pick up small rocks and to put on shoes that have been left outside or in the garage overnight. Closed cupboards around plates that are stacked are particularly nice spots for the brown recluse to hang out, waiting to strike the unsuspecting homeowner getting a plate for the hot dogs he just grilled after shaking out his Bass deck shoes he left out on the deck overnight after watering the lawn (yes -- dark, moist, and fragrant) before he put the shoes on to light the grill. He was lucky that a brown recluse spider, brown with the fiddle shape on its back and thousands of small black, beady eyes that can see the entire 360 degrees around it, did not jump onto his hand from the little hole in the gas grill where he stuck the match to light the grill. Fortunately, the backflash from lighting the propane burner, which singed the hairs on the homeowners knuckles and hand, killed the brown recluse that was hiding near the hole. After six months of catching brown recluse spiders in her farmhouse outside Kansas City, Diane Barger had taken as prisoners 2,055 of the little beasts. For six years, she and her family had co-existed with the spiders without being bitten one time. Entomologist Rick Vetter has published a study based on his research with the Barger family and others that lays to rest the myth of the brown recluse spider. Oh, it is poisonous. But it has gotten a very bad rap over the years and has been blamed far and wide for biting, maming, and killing when it hasn't. In most cases in which it is accused, the brown recluse hasn't even been in the area. Its habitat is the central Midwest, that is, Kansas, Oklahoma, Missouri, Nebraska, Arkansas, and Alabama. It has gotten blamed for wreaking havoc in many other locales. "The undeserved infamy that this spider has achieved outside of its range is nothing short of mind boggling." It is an exciting time in history to be an entomologist. Tuesday, December 17, 2002 Parking -- Insanity of the Season I escorted my wife to the car. That's right -- I escorted her. She uses a cane to ambulate; so, I parked in a space designated for disabled individuals. If you dare to call my wife disabled to her face, you will be caned to within an inch of your life -- the value of a Catholic school education. She knows when to stop. We reached the car, only to discover that there was a gray 2002 Ford Taurus parked in the striped area between two properly-marked disabled parking spots. As any moron knows, the striped area is mandated by the Americans With Disabilities Act Accessibility Guidelines for van parking. The knucklehead sitting in the Ford Taurus did not have a disabled parking placard and did not have disabled vehicle plates (I double-checked while I was on the phone to the local police). He started his car when I had the cell phone to my ear. I shouldn't have to tell the lame-brain that he was still parked illegally, even if the car was running. Why was he sitting there? He was waiting for someone who was in Target doing some shopping. He could have been parked across the aisle in a spot not reserved for the disabled by simply putting the car in reverse and backing it into the space directly behind him. But no, he must have thought that because he had a mental handicap, that is, he was stupid, he could park there. The police did not come in time. He saw the shopper he was waiting for. He pulled his car right next to me -- on the striped area next to the spot we were parked in. He stopped the car. He smiled at me. I opened the car door -- I did not know at that point what I was going to do. My wife grabbed my arm. "Don't, Billy. Let it go." The calmer head prevailed. He pulled out toward the main entrance -- it must have been his mother. She carried a large picture frame and two Target bags. The dullard did not get out of the car to help her. That figures. Lazy. Fucking impolite all the way around. I got a good look at the smiling, mustachioed prick with the receding hairline. His hair was curly -- probably permed. His teeth were not tightly packed -- maybe some gum disease. A little bulb on the end of his nose -- not a thin nose, either. Probably a company car, too. He had a look on his face like he recognized me. I will know him when I see him. I gave the license number to the police dispatcher. There will be a report. There will be a name associated with the plate number. I will find out who he is and where he lives. And I will file it away for future reference. I think I get more upset than my wife about such inconsiderate numb-skulls. Monday, December 16, 2002 Invisibility and Baldness I want to know what the President is doing about the invisible threat that has been uncovered by Dr. Alan Yu. Dr. Yu writes: "I have sent, via registered mail, a report to President Bush and Attorney General Ashcroft about some invisible personnel's crimes (including articles of Part II-A1, C2, C3, D1 of my website), which was received on 5/24/2001 by White House mail room)." The invisible personnel do only bad things -- assassination, terrorist attacks, etc. And the invisible personnel are tiny and can levitate. Why are they tiny? If they are invisible, does it matter if they are tiny? Wu claims that "scientists still cannot use scientific theory to explain that why human[s] become tiny in invisible electromagnetic field." This is all very disturbing, since we do not really know if the invisible, tiny, agent provocateurs are controlling Dr. Wu's mind. I sure hope the U. S. government is fully investigating this claim. Why are they evil? I think the story of "The Ring of Gyges" is instructive. Gyges gets a ring of invisibility and kills the king and rapes the queen. Too bad he wasn't tiny. Bald? Join the club. Not the Hair Club for Men. THE Club. And say no to drugs, plugs, and rugs. I heard of this procedure, but never really researched it -- scalp reduction surgery. Why is hair so important that one would go through such surgery? There is, of course, criticism of this type of surgery. Where does it come from? Hair transplant surgeons! What's next? Hair Cloning? You bet! High Technology Careers magazine said, "Progress has even been made in the genetic environment on solving male pattern baldness. Scientists at Cornell University's Weill Medical College in New York have made strides in finding the causes of baldness by injecting hedgehogs, and then mice, with a refined adenovirus ..." The question of the mouse-human relationship comes up once again. And there are studies of bald mice and gene therapy for the "cure" of baldness. Is baldness a disease? Or is baldness a natural condition? According to the American Academy of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery, hair loss affects two out of three men. Gee -- that's interesting. Can this mean hair loss, that is, baldness, is actually the norm? And is baldness harmful? Skin cancer could be a problem -- wearing a hat and added sunscreen is important. Baldness also attacks the wallet mercilessly. Over two billion dollars is spent on hair transplants. It has been estimated that a 65-year-old will have spent about a year of his life working on his comb-over -- some realize the waste, some don't. Don't ask me how I got on these subjects -- unless there are tiny, invisible personnel that have levitated and have gotten into my head and have changed all my words.
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