To: President George W. Bush
The White House
Washington, D.C., or Crawford, Texas (whatever, you’re on vacation all the time, it seems)
Dear Mr. President:
I have been critical of your war against Saddam Hussein, long-time nemesis evil guy of the Bush clan. I was critical of your reliance on out-dated, unverified, and overblown reports of the presence of nuclear newk-you-ler bomb-making components stuff and other weapons of mass destruction WMD before you started your Crusade – and I use that word in the formal sense.
I must apologize, however, for my habitual impertinence cuz me bad. In keeping with your new party line the true story that Saddam ditched the WMD somewhere, I wanted to let you know that I think I found them!
The fucking Sun newspaper, published once weekly, was delivered today. The headline: HOUSE CONTAINED ARSENAL. I was stupefied! Right down the road from me! The damn Iraqi arsenal of weapons! Here’s a quote: “What was supposed to be a small drug bust, [sic] turned into much more when the police raided the home ….”
The police were greeted by a mounted machine gun with ammo at the door! The police stopped counting at 60 handguns. “The arsenal … was so diverse that the … Bomb Squad, along with the ATF, had to be called in [emphasis added].” The police became “concerned when various ammunition shells and chemicals were found [emphasis added].”
The police found “four large safes with 20 20-mm. rounds with explosives on them, and also ammonium nitrate and red phosphorus ….” They found guns that were “four feet long” with ammunition. These weren’t for deer hunting, the police said. The “high-powered guns … would vaporize a deer.”
High-powered guns, chemical weapons, explosives, drugs!!! I am sure the ATF will plant find traces of radioactive materials. I'm sure that they will be able to show the media bottles of heavy water!
Now, there’s $600 million that you wanted to pay out to find the illegal weapons in Iraq, in addition to the $300 million you have paid already, that you don’t have to pay out.
Now that I have discovered this cache of Saddam's WMD, you can take your Halloween vacation without being afraid of any goblins in the closet.
Sincerely,
Bill
Posted by Bill at October 2, 2003 08:06 PMoh bill. how can i love the hilarity of your words and be so sad and outraged by dubya all at the same time? such a mixture of emotions! thems some powerful words mistah!
Posted by: crazy girl at October 3, 2003 01:16 AMFirst I was unable to log onto the Sun newspaper link - thought Bush had gotten to them already. Then when I did access it - could not find the story. Guess Bush eventually did get to them *lol*. I did discover through the clock on their site - you are exactly 6 hours behind me and 8 degrees C cooler. I also learnt that your mortgage rates are MUCH lower than ours. All in all - a very informative link and a very witty posting. Thanks Bill :-)
go BIll go!
Posted by: jenB at October 3, 2003 02:07 PM