In the countryside, the aliens make those weird-ass crop circles. I've been doing research on crop circles, you know, watching Signs every time it's on one of the movie channels, and there are a lot of them; so, it seems like I'm watching all Signs all the time. Except, of course, when Spy Game with Brad Pitt and Robert Redford is on; then it's clicker abuse to the extreme. And except when the better half is home, then it's ... well, you know, Dr. Phil and cooking and home improvement shows.
And with Dr. Phil and cooking and home improvement shows comes that fucking commercial with the fucking nasal-voiced operator on a fucking switchboard. There is no operator on a switchboard with a nasally voice like LILY TOMLIN. Old Navy, I like shopping at your stores, but why didn't you get Lily Tomlin? Too fucking old for Old Navy? If you are going to make a stupid fucking commercial, go all the way and get the original nasal-voiced switchboard operator. Or bring back the stupid fucking commercial that you played during the baseball play-offs, which fucking jinxed the Giants and the Red Sox.
Sorry, I got side-tracked. I forgot the cardinal rule of blogging made up by KathyHowe, and why not say it's "cardinal" because she loves red ... I was saying -- crop circles are rural phenomena.
In the city and suburbs, aliens have another means of signalling their cohorts in space. I saw them scattered here and there tonight, definitely signs, usually in pairs or threes. I know they are signs to those circling above because they look like nothing natural, at least on this planet. And I have no other way to describe them but to say that they are lights that spiral up a pole, formed something like a cone.
I asked a guy at the gas station because there were six of them, in two groups of three (apparently, aliens have some respect for that notion that stuff happens in threes, you know, like that celebrity death thing that people always come up with when celebrities die), and he said they looked like Christmas trees and I told him he had been smelling gas fumes for too long and he said the new federally-mandated gas pumps prevent that from happening and I said that if he's right then why the hell can't I use my cell phone when I'm pumping gas and he asked me if I was some kind of nut and I told him that I wasn't the one who was taking an indefensible position and then he said that I should get the hell out of there.
Christmas trees, my ass, man. If you look at them from above, they look like bull's-eyes! Go ahead. Check it out. And people think I'm fucking nuts.
Posted by Bill at December 4, 2003 11:52 PMWell, nearly always so calm.
Posted by: Anji at December 5, 2003 01:31 AMBill? Hon? Have you been to Starbucks yet today?
How many times?
Posted by: Crazy Girl/Keri at December 5, 2003 01:30 PMIt is a good rule and red is a great color. I like the use of the word 'cardinal'.
A+ post, Billy.
Posted by: Kathy Howe at December 5, 2003 01:46 PMHere we have animals slaughtered in some weird pattern with no apparent cause of death. At least that's what the paper says.
Posted by: TW at December 5, 2003 02:34 PMHoly crap, Bill... now that you pointed them out to me, I know what you're talking about! I'm seeing them all OVER the place and you're right! They ARE signs!!!! and they ARE always in groups of three!
Posted by: Crazy Girl/Keri at December 6, 2003 02:26 PM