The new 5th 3rd Bank branch opened recently, I do not do my banking there. I'm into more traditional bank names, like U.S. Bank. There's an original name for a bank. Or National City Bank. Or the World Bank. I have never seen or heard of the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th 3rd Banks, though; so, I looked on the Internet and found someone who had done some research.
I went to the new 5/3 Bank (that's what the sign says, which actually makes it the One and Two-Thirds Bank) because I didn't feel like getting out of the car and running in to the grocery store where one of my bank branches is located to use the ATM because it was cold and I didn't feel like getting out of the car because the seat was already heated up (I have the seat heater set on 3, on a scale which goes up to 5; so, the seat was heated to 3/5.). I went to the drive-up ATM at the 5/3 Bank.
As usual, I was driving the white VW Beetle, the one with the black "The Who" sticker on the back bumper just to the right of the license plate. I pulled up to the ATM. I looked up to the ATM. The slot into which I was supposed to stick my ATM card was way up high, not for someone sitting in a car like the one I was driving. And I had to be as tall as Zydrunas Ilgauskas to even begin to reach the buttons alongside the little TV screen to get my money.
Well, it turns out that I pushed the wrong button because the choices on the screen were not lined up with the buttons because of the angle. I'm sure that there is some kind of mathematical formula that explains that kind of thing.
I got a piece of paper that got spit out of a slot at the eight-foot level, and I had to like stand up with my head and upper body out of the window, all the time keeping my foot on the brake, to reach the damn thing. It was as I slid back down into the seat to start the process over that I saw, at convenient eye level, the white-and-red placard with the 5/3 stylized logo on it over a blurred image of a woman looking at an SUV. Get a new SUV with a home equity line of credit.
So, that's the game. The whole ATM experience was an advertisement for financing a new SUV. Genius. Whoever thought of that must get a year-end bonus. Probably the same one who thought of the name of the bank.
Posted by Bill at December 9, 2003 08:16 PMIf you were a soccer mom with a minivan those things wouldn't happen to you. Well, OK, maybe a soccer dad.
Posted by: TW at December 9, 2003 09:41 PMTW is right - a white VW microbus with a black The Who sticker on the back bumper just to the right of the licence plate - could do the trick. Or could you just never ever use the One and Two Thirds ATM machine again.
Posted by: Michelle at December 10, 2003 09:31 AMI can't help wondering what they do with the other 0/2 bits?
Posted by: Anji at December 11, 2003 02:26 AMJust buy a Humvee and you can go anydamnwhere you want.
Posted by: Philip at December 12, 2003 11:52 PMPeople always tend to ask me where the bank got its name from. They think that the original bank was at 5th and 3rd streets. Actually it was from a merger back in 1908 of 5th national bank and 3rd federal bank of Ohio. The owners wanted to keep the name in place so that the current customers would continue their business with the bank. The bank could not be called 3/5 on account of it not being a complete bank. We would rather have that 2/5 left over.
Posted by: thomas budzyn at May 13, 2004 02:11 PM